Archive for July 2010


July 17, 2010



July 17, 2010


How To use The Law of Reciprocity To Grow Your Relationship

July 4, 2010

The Law of Reciprocity is perhaps the most powerful and vital of all human motivators. Your regular use of it will bring you opportunities that you cannot now envision. This principle says, “If you do a duty for someone, that someone, will want to do a duty for you. He or she would want to reciprocate in some way so that he or she does not feel indebted.”

Majority of human beings would naturally like to be fair in their dealings with other people. As soon as someone does something pleasant for a person, that individual feels an obligation to give back, to pay the person back one way or the other.  The immediate result of a favor or benevolence is to unbalance the equation of equality between the giver and the receiver. In consequence, recipients always look for ways to restore equilibrium. They look for a way to return the good deed by doing something good for you also.

Think about the experiences you have had in the past.  When you take a friend out for lunch or other outings and you pay the bill, he or she would like to invite you out the next time. If you host a friend in your home for dinner, he or she will feel obliged to inviting you over at some other time to his or her own home.  Perhaps, you can remember the last time you send or received Christmas or birthday cards.  The overwhelming feeling for all parties is to reciprocate even when you are not all well acquainted with each other.

Many relationship problems emanate from the fact that this law is either not recognized or not practiced.  It is associated to the law of retributive justice or karma as it is known in the esoteric schools.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Imagine how a relationship would flow sweetly and produce fulfillment for all concerned if people would give the love and affection they are expecting from their spouses.  Think about your need for kind words and therefore the need to speak kindly to your partner.  We all wish we are more trusted by our partners, how about trusting our partners and keep it so until we are disappointed.  People in relationships always expect that the other party is friendlier in their attitude towards them.  How about taking deliberate steps to be friendly yourself towards the other party.

The list and opportunities are endless.  The way to go is to ask yourself, what would I have done to me in this relationship? What would I like to get from this relationship?  Then try to do those things you would want done to you and start giving those things you would want to get.  In due course, by the immutable laws of nature, everything you have done and given would be returned to you many fold.

This law is infallible.  Think about those times when you have smiled at a stranger and remember what happened.  They usually always smile back.  You can even experiment on this at home with your spouse or partner.  Alternate between smiling and frowning and see what you get from your wife, children.  If you are in a dating or courtship relationship, try practicing this when you meet for an outing.

And when you are not getting what you want from or in a relationship, why not sit down and review what you are giving or investing. Attitude is important also.  When you do or give, it should be according to the law – unconditionally.  There should be no conditions attached.  You should give because it is the right thing to do.  This should be separated from the ensnaring gifts of men and women in skewed up relationships.  Nevertheless, they still usually lead you to get what you want, though it may be dubious.

When you arrange your life in agreement with the laws of nature or God, you will always be amazed at the rapidity at which good things start to turn out for you.

The Law of Reciprocity in human associations is one of the most potent principles you will ever gain knowledge of.

Francis Nmeribe is a relationship expert and coach.  He can be reached through his website and blog: and or email:

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