Archive for October 2010

7 Rules Of The Dating Game

October 31, 2010

It is a well considered opinion that the best approach to dating is to see it as a game.  All games have rules.  From the traditional to the professional games of all shades and colours, rules are at the base of its enjoyment.  The dating game is not left out.  In fact, knowing the dating rules and playing by it is a sine quo non for success in dating.  These dating rules are applicable throughout the season of dating and beyond and would be helpful in sustaining the courtship and marriage relationships that could flow from a dating relationship.  It applies to younger people who are dating for the purpose of socialization as well as the older people who are dating for the purpose of marriage.  These rules also apply to relationships unrelated to dating, courtship and marriage.  Learned and applied on other facets of life would give one the advantage in situations where dealing with other people are involved.

Rule 1: Independence and Sense of Self-worth

Your primary concern in any relationship – regardless of what kind of relationship it is – is to be yourself. This means that you need to know what you want from life and the relationship.  You need to love and respect yourself.  You need to know that you are an individual with potential for the best in life and not be prepared to settle for less.  You might ask yourself these questions before you take up the dating bull by its horns – Who do I think that I am? What do I want from this relationship?  Where are my moral boundaries? How much do I love myself? It would be a great idea to measure your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and ascertain that you are absolutely sure that you could not be confused by veiled seductive signals from the opposite sex.

Rule 2: Be prepared to create and have fun

The base purpose of all games is to create and have fun.  There is no reason the dating game should be otherwise.  When we try to make other people happy, we are happy ourselves.  So, this a rule you can derive its dual benefits with one act.  The law of reciprocity or of giving comes to play here.  If you give, you receive, most times double and ten times over.  The next time, therefore,  you have a date coming, remember this rule and get prepared in your mind on those things you can do to create fun for your partner so that you can also have fun.  The success of any dating effort is rated by how much fun both partners had.  If you deliberately plan and do make your date feel happy while you were out together, the better you feel yourself.  It must be stated here, though, that the fun spoken about here is not fornication – sexual intercourse.

Rule 3: Effective Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of all relationships whether or not connected to affairs of the heart.  Nowhere is more critical than it is in the affairs of the heart. In fact, during dating and courtship period of every relationship is the time to learn and apply this rule so that one would be wise in it.  In effective communication, you are not only just required to communicate well; you are required to help your partner to understand you.  This could be a thorny challenge in life.  Without effective communication, it would be difficult to find friendship, trust, respect, love, understanding, etc where requisite building blocks of the foundation for joyful relationships are based.  Effective communication is required to build love and intimacy in that relationship.  This is a critical rule.  The Achilles’ heel to this rule is premarital sex.    One of the ways to learn and apply this rule is to ask a lot of questions through the meeting.

Rule 4: Be Prepared To Discuss Differences

It is not all the time that your ability to communicate or obey rules would give you a smooth ride in a dating relationship.  There are times that communications breakdown even between two people who may have thought that all is going well with their relationship.  During those stormy seasons in a growing relationship, the ability to calmly discuss the differences is very helpful.  Sometimes it is the only security for the relationship to continue.  To be able to works through these rough waters of relationship, both partners should be able and willing to put all the cards on the table and discuss their differences with respect for each others boundaries and individuality.

Rule 5: Nurture Your Relationship

Every dating relationship and indeed all relationships, be they business, social, intimate and even the ultimate, marriage, need to be nurtured to keep going.

Constant appreciation, value, consideration, reciprocity and thoughtfulness all help in showing each partner that he/she is cherished and valued and gives them a feeling  that they have a place in your life. It must be stated though that these does not include sexual favors. In fact, premarital sex would harm the relationship badly.

Rule 6:  Avoid Premarital Sex

There many reasons why you should avoid premarital sex.  If that does not appeal to you, it would be wise to note that it is a breaking of the rule of the game of dating to have sexual intercourse during dating.  The only sexual intercourse is acceptable in human relationships is in lawful and legal wedlock.  Premarital sex would take away the opportunity to build friendship and trust which are critical for the future development of the relationship to courtship and marriage.  Premarital sex scuttles the ability of couples to learn and apply effective communication.

Rule 7:  Ask the most important questions on the first date

This is critical especially if you are dating for the purpose of marriage.  Some people believe it would have been better if the critical questions like family finance, how many children, extended family, demographics, sex, religion, should be asked after the dating relationship has advanced far and may into courtship.  On the contrary, it best to trash the thorny issues first.  If for example you are dating for marriage, is there any reason to waste several months with a man or woman whose financial plan, religion, demographics, number of children, sex and extended family ideas are at variance with yours.  You can trash these issues on the first date and that would help you know whether you should see the person again.

6 Ways To Test Your Relationship For Love

October 31, 2010

The relationship between the sexes has always been a make or mar venture in all generations of mankind.  This particular relationship has been known to build people up or tear them down.  It has built cities, it has destroyed nations.  It has been the cause or has led to several wars in the course of the history of man.  It is has brought joys and blessings and has also been responsible for the ruin of men and women, trauma, heartache, pain, anguish.  Yet, it is the relationship between men and women that produces the best of all meaning to life and the blessings thereof.

There are processes and proven strategies for conducting the relationship between men and women to ensure that it fills the end of its creation.  It starts with the foundation for joyful relationships.  The foundational elements of joyful relationships include knowledge and skill in the practice of the following qualities:

  • Friendship
  • Mutual respect
  • Trust
  • Faith in God
  • Clarity of Purpose
  • Virtue
  • Integrity
  • Honor
  • Love
  • Communication
  • Understanding
  • Independence
  • Forgiveness

As you start the dating processes with these foundational elements, the relationship would make progress towards courtship.  During the dating processes, people are expected to make efforts to meet several prospective partners for study and possibility of building an emotional connection.  As soon as the possibility of emotional connection is considered, then it would be a wise time to move your relationship to courtship level.  At this point, the relationship is narrowed to two people who could now get into more details of knowing one another with marriage consideration.

How do you know if your courtship partner is the right one for you?  How can one know if the person you are seeing is the one person to be your spouse?  The following six test questions which in turn are a pairing of the above elements into 6 groups would help all those genuinely seeking for a life partners to do so with a reasonable assurance of love between them.

These are:

  • Friendship and trust – Do you trust your boyfriend or girlfriend completely? Do you admire your partner for who he or she is without desiring to change him or her? Do you enjoy different activities together or do your time together typical gyrate around physical intimacy? Are you free of jealousy or endeavor to control each other’s life?
  • Communication – Is your relationship peaceful and devoid of frequent wrangling? When there is disagreement, are you able to work through the issues involved without being abusive of one another.  Can you discuss about anything with your partner?  Your ability to listen to each other with enough patient to understand each other’s point of view is a good way to know if you are communicating effectively.
  • Family and friends – Have kept the relationship open to your parents and siblings so that they know about what is going on between you two and are his or her family and siblings also aware of your relationship.  Have you established your family’s opinion of your partner and do you know if they feel he or she is good for you?  Are you open and honest about your relationship without needing to hide certain aspects of from your parents?
  • The future – Are you comfortable with the thought of marrying this person without expecting him or her to change into the person you can tolerate? Are you taking your time about marrying this person or are you rushing to get married at a particular time for one reason or the other? Would your date make a great parent? Would you like your children to turn out just like him or her?
  • Morality – Has your dating period been morally clean?  Is your relationship free of any sexual pressure, coercion and manipulation either from you or your partner?  Do any of you take any drugs, alcohol or view pornography? Regardless of whether you are a virgin or not, are both of you saving sex for marriage?  Outside mere abstinence from sexual intercourse, can you honestly say your relationship is pure?
  • Spirituality – Do you and your partner practice the same faith and go to meetings together?  Has the relationship with this partner helped you to be closer to God? Do you remember each other in your prayers?

Answering these questions honestly will help you know whether your relationship is growing towards love or lust.


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