Sex And Responsibility 3: Unplanned Marriage


Francis Nmeribe, Author and Coach

One of the most challenging experiences of life is to have to be forced into marriage.  Some people are married under circumstances beyond their control.  One of the most causative agents of unplanned marriage is premarital or even extra-marital sexual intercourse.  It is the most woeful condition to be married outside one’s control.  But the truth is that there are lots of these kinds of marriages these days occasioned by improper sexual behaviour.

Sexual intercourse carries with it a responsibility any day and any time and at any place it is prosecuted.  One of such responsibilities of sexual intercourse outside the bounds of legal and lawful wedlock is unplanned marriage.

The problem of unplanned marriage is not diminished by the biological age of those involved.  This is because there are apart from physical maturity for marriage; there are also mental, emotional, spiritual and mindset preparation for marriage.  Getting married is a decision a person need to make consciously.  The fact that a man or woman made decision to get married whether early in life or later makes a difference in relation to what he or she brings to bear on the success of the marriage relationship.

Marriage on its own is a challenging experience even when it is well planned in advance.  The life experiences of those involved in a marriage relationship does not remove these challenges.  When marriage is entered into without the requisite mental, spiritual, emotional and mindset preparation and without a previous decision to get married, it produces sorrow and pain for all those involved. Here is some itemized list of issues with unplanned marriage:

  • Blames in place of empathy – Marriages whether planned or unplanned always have issues.  When it is unplanned, the parties involved instead of showing understanding when issues arise blame each other, the pregnancy, baby or others who are instrumental for making the marriage happen.  They end up blaming others but themselves. They forget that they are the ones that got involved in the sexual intercourse that precipitated the unplanned marriage in the first place.  The ability to empathize or show understanding is a requirement for the survival and thriving of the best of marriages not to talk of an unplanned one. An unplanned marriage would normally always result in an unhappy marriage.
  • Career disruption– When marriage comes into one’s life as an interference instead of as a planned act, the career path of both or one of the partners is disrupted.  The result is that marriage that should come into one’s life as an achievement to be proud of is now an act of shame and regret.  None of us want to regret our actions, right?
  • Social stigma – A marriage that is unplanned is usually widely known within the community and environs regardless of efforts to keep it secret. It raises questions as to the moral strength of the parties.  The parties in an unplanned marriage are usually stigmatized even when they are not the most morally lose couple around.
  • Abuse and Violence and Crime – When the normal pressures of married life present themselves to the unprepared couple, they usually react by lashing out at each other.  Verbal abuse leading to and/or violence on the spouse are some of the common consequences.  In many instances, this has led to crime of brutality and murder.  Some of these situations are even too tasking to those who prepared and made a decision to marry.  When it happens to this unprepared couple, the fallout is usually disastrous.
  • Unhappy marriage – Unplanned marriages raises questions about social, mental, spiritual, mindset preparation questions.  Because those involved have not prepared along these lines, marriage challenges make life unbearable for them.  They quarrel and are reactive to each other’s foibles instead of responding to such with maturity.  The result is that the couple would be unhappy for the period of their married life.  No hell is worse than an unhappy marriage.  The toll on both parties include early death, ill health conditions leading to such debilitating diseases as high blood pressure, hypertension, stroke, heart attack and paralysis to name but a few.

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