Archive for October 2012

Sex and Responsibility 6: Sorrow

October 8, 2012

Joy which also means happiness, delight and pleasure is one of the principal pursuits of man.
Many a man and woman seeking for pleasure have docked at the bay of sexual intercourse as a source for the pleasure they seek. For a thousand cases of such men and women who arrived at the bay of sexual intercourse in their pursuit of pleasure, it has been one thousand cases of grief, mourning, sadness, distress, regret, trouble and unhappiness which mean sorrow.

Sorrow is one of the key worries we should all factor when we think about pleasure from sexual intercourse. The transient nature of pleasure from sexual intercourse has been measured and known to have lasted at the best for about an hour and mostly less than that. There is a popular saying connected with sexual intercourse especially where it concerns premarital and extramarital sex that says for five minutes of pleasure, people end up in a lifetime of sorrow and pain.

There are many reasons people get sorrow from sexual intercourse in place of the pleasure or other things they seek. The reasons include but not limited to the following:

• Unmet Expectation – As indicated earlier, many erroneously believe that sexual intercourse is a reliable source of pleasure. Experience has shown that is far from the truth. All the pleasure that can be derived from sexual intercourse is so flitting that before you could finish spelling Jack Robinson, all the ability of sexual intercourse to give you pleasure has been finished and you are already beginning to ask for more. Many also fantasize such great sexual intercourse experiences before they have the opportunity to reach it. Experience has proven that nothing can be more a mirage than getting great sex. A great sex can come after years of practicing and experiencing sexual intercourse with a spouse. Those engaged in premarital and extramarital sex hardly have the time and space needed to get a great sex. So unmet expectations is one of the major sources of sorrow that should be considered when thinking sexual intercourse.

• Giving and obtaining sexual intercourse for the wrong reasons – Sexual intercourse has a purpose. There is a primary and a secondary purpose for sexual intercourse. The primary purpose is procreation – the reproduction of offspring for the specie. It is the same purpose for animals as it is for human beings. The secondary purpose is to produce relief from stress and bonding for parents of the offspring. Because of the nature of childbirth and rearing both in human and animal beings, there is need for two people to bond together to provide a culture, vision and purpose for the emerging generation. Sexual intercourse helps to achieve these purposes. Outside these purposes, sexual intercourse is a worthless hassle and is actually expensive in time, resources and emotional balance of the specie. When women give sexual intercourse for purposes outside the two above, they shortchange themselves and they quickly see that they have made a mistake. The same with men who seek sexual intercourse for reasons outside procreation and bonding purposes with a spouse. What naturally follows is regret or sorrow. In most cases, the women find out that the money and materials they got have not really compensated for what they have lost in the process of premarital or extramarital sex. They are quick to find out that sexual intercourse is not really able to persuade the man to propose marriage. Instead, the men would be demanding more and more free booty. Why pay for what you can have for free is the philosophical quiz of the men considering that the only worthwhile payment for sexual intercourse with any man is marriage.

• The wrong and evil nature of premarital and extramarital sex – That premarital and extramarital sex is wrong and evil is not going to be erased by media hype in favour of permissiveness and perversion of our times. The nature of premarital and extramarital sex would not be changed by the fact that it has acquired great notoriety among the so-called modern society. The truth is that intrinsically, men and women know about the wrong and evil nature of premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse so they regret while and after doing it. Even when they put up a public face of all is well; they feel the sorrow and pain of it in their private hours. As the trauma producing effects of these evil and wrong acts distil on the soul of the men and women who do it, they sometime confide in people or bemoan and mourn.

• Unwanted pregnancy – This is one of the major subtopics of this project. It is, however, apt to revisit it here because of its contributory factor in the destruction of the objective of those who seek sexual intercourse for pleasure. Whatever joy they may ever attain from sexual intercourse is not just erased by unwanted pregnancy, it adds to the lifelong sorrow and sometimes, the eternal damnation of the people involved.

• Abortion and the attendant consequences of death, barrenness and sickness – This like unto unwanted pregnancy and also a derivation of the same. Now, our pleasure seekers who anchored at the wrong bay of sexual intercourse wakes some weeks later to find that one of them is now pregnant with an offspring nobody wants. As the saying goes, one sin leads to another; they quickly contemplate abortion or are advised to do so by some bystander counselors, usually peers. Many have obtained their abortions in the hands of quacks leading to death, destruction of the woman’s womb so she could not ever conceive a child again. Some have been infected or have had incomplete removal leading to major sicknesses that render the woman’s life miserable throughout the rest of her days. In spite of the above consequences, there is an emotional trauma connected to abortion. Those who have gone through the process who later talked about their experiences would tell you that nothing have been more agonizing in their lives than the awful and terrible feeling that they had done something terribly wrong. They also feel worthless and wasted from inside. This is the real meaning of sorrow.

Sex And Responsibility 5: Emotional Imbalance

October 8, 2012

Exciting sexual intercourse is 99% fantasy. Even the daydream is over most times before it ever started. The practitioners are left with more confusion than satisfaction. This is why you have people with insatiable sexual behaviour. The truth is that there would never be sexual satisfaction for anybody.

It involves a lot of work to get sex. This is even so among animals. Where the sexual organs are placed in the human and animal bodies suggests some sacredness and secrecy. It takes a lot of physical and emotional demands to get there for both men and women respectively.

For the men, sexual intercourse is much of a physical thing. For the women, it is much of an emotional thing. Women have a connection to sexual intercourse that is intrinsic. Women do sex with their soul – their being – you can say with their mind, body and heart. Conversely, men do sex with their body only. Sexual intercourse is simply organic to men while it is soulful for women. This is why – without being commercial sex workers – a man could have sexual intercourse with two or more women at once and feel normal. The same act of having sexual intercourse with more than one person at once produces seriously traumatizing experience for women.

Even when they have sexual intercourse with one person who they even claim to love or desire outside marriage, the women are not at peace. Those who hear confessions would tell you that women are the ones that usually come forward to confess sexual sins. The men are usually dragged out to confess because the women with whom they are involved have come forward and confessed to the authorities and have mentioned the men.

In sexual intercourse, women seek connection to a better half while men sick expression of their manliness. Sexual intercourse never means the same thing for men and women. For men it is more of sport where they try to show prowess. For women, it is a different kettle of fish. Women invest their body, mind and heart or in other words, their soul into a sexual act. Research has show that even women commercial sex workers are traumatized by their own sex life more than the stigma of being a commercial sex worker does. Some reported of getting ‘a wasting feeling’ – as if their essence is being rubbed or scraped off their bodies and washed away in a drain. They feel an indescribable imbalance in their being that torments.

For other women of lose moral who are not residing in brothels, they are so distraught, they, without wisdom of what is happening, imagine that getting more sexual partners, acquiring more stuff – material gains such cash in the bank, cars, property, clothing and other apparels – could quench their propensity. All those involved know that it doesn’t. The truth is that those involved are in a state of emotional imbalance.

Regardless of the bravado of men and the physical nature of their sex life, premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse create serious emotional imbalance in them as is the case in women. It is this emotional imbalance that make it possible for a woman not having any knowledge of fact about her husband’s extramarital sexual life could be aware of the fact that her husband is cheating on her. In my marriage coaching and counselling experience, many women have confessed having so strong feelings about their husband’s escapades. They feel oppressed when there is no visible oppressor. They have felt distrustful of their husbands regardless of the man’s effort to make them feel otherwise. These feelings have usually led to crisis that finally exposes the fact that the man have been cheating.
Now, the problem here is that regardless of the permissiveness of our times, the media hype about sexual licence and even the claims by some esoteric schools that sexual intercourse between two consenting adults is alright, experience has shown that the human person is in a sticky situation with every premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. Many people put up all sorts of logics and excuses for getting involved in illicit sexual intercourse. Some even work hard to drown their act with alcohol. But we all know that it does not really work. The bravado and boastings about our sexual escapades have never been able to remove the sense of guilt and torment that sire our soul when we are involved in inappropriate sexual relationship.

These feelings of guilt and torment of the soul produces emotional imbalance in the human person. Some of the times, when we are in a situation of emotional imbalance, we usually are not able to put our hands on the matter with us. In a state of emotional imbalance, we make mistakes, we are unhappy and we lose our peace and sometimes sleep. Because of the intrinsic nature of our emotions it is not easy for us to immediately place its influence in our responses and reactions to situations that affect our lives.
Generally, our behaviours change. People around us wonder what is wrong. When we are asked what is wrong, we usually retort that nothing is wrong. This is, however, because we do not really know what is affecting or influencing our conduct and worries.

This is how it is possible for a woman to decipher that her husband is having an affair when she has no evidence to prove anything.

If the situation continues without repentance and totally abandoning the course, it leads to nervous breakdown and usually to a breakdown of the marriage.

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