Sex and Responsibility 6: Sorrow

Joy which also means happiness, delight and pleasure is one of the principal pursuits of man.
Many a man and woman seeking for pleasure have docked at the bay of sexual intercourse as a source for the pleasure they seek. For a thousand cases of such men and women who arrived at the bay of sexual intercourse in their pursuit of pleasure, it has been one thousand cases of grief, mourning, sadness, distress, regret, trouble and unhappiness which mean sorrow.

Sorrow is one of the key worries we should all factor when we think about pleasure from sexual intercourse. The transient nature of pleasure from sexual intercourse has been measured and known to have lasted at the best for about an hour and mostly less than that. There is a popular saying connected with sexual intercourse especially where it concerns premarital and extramarital sex that says for five minutes of pleasure, people end up in a lifetime of sorrow and pain.

There are many reasons people get sorrow from sexual intercourse in place of the pleasure or other things they seek. The reasons include but not limited to the following:

• Unmet Expectation – As indicated earlier, many erroneously believe that sexual intercourse is a reliable source of pleasure. Experience has shown that is far from the truth. All the pleasure that can be derived from sexual intercourse is so flitting that before you could finish spelling Jack Robinson, all the ability of sexual intercourse to give you pleasure has been finished and you are already beginning to ask for more. Many also fantasize such great sexual intercourse experiences before they have the opportunity to reach it. Experience has proven that nothing can be more a mirage than getting great sex. A great sex can come after years of practicing and experiencing sexual intercourse with a spouse. Those engaged in premarital and extramarital sex hardly have the time and space needed to get a great sex. So unmet expectations is one of the major sources of sorrow that should be considered when thinking sexual intercourse.

• Giving and obtaining sexual intercourse for the wrong reasons – Sexual intercourse has a purpose. There is a primary and a secondary purpose for sexual intercourse. The primary purpose is procreation – the reproduction of offspring for the specie. It is the same purpose for animals as it is for human beings. The secondary purpose is to produce relief from stress and bonding for parents of the offspring. Because of the nature of childbirth and rearing both in human and animal beings, there is need for two people to bond together to provide a culture, vision and purpose for the emerging generation. Sexual intercourse helps to achieve these purposes. Outside these purposes, sexual intercourse is a worthless hassle and is actually expensive in time, resources and emotional balance of the specie. When women give sexual intercourse for purposes outside the two above, they shortchange themselves and they quickly see that they have made a mistake. The same with men who seek sexual intercourse for reasons outside procreation and bonding purposes with a spouse. What naturally follows is regret or sorrow. In most cases, the women find out that the money and materials they got have not really compensated for what they have lost in the process of premarital or extramarital sex. They are quick to find out that sexual intercourse is not really able to persuade the man to propose marriage. Instead, the men would be demanding more and more free booty. Why pay for what you can have for free is the philosophical quiz of the men considering that the only worthwhile payment for sexual intercourse with any man is marriage.

• The wrong and evil nature of premarital and extramarital sex – That premarital and extramarital sex is wrong and evil is not going to be erased by media hype in favour of permissiveness and perversion of our times. The nature of premarital and extramarital sex would not be changed by the fact that it has acquired great notoriety among the so-called modern society. The truth is that intrinsically, men and women know about the wrong and evil nature of premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse so they regret while and after doing it. Even when they put up a public face of all is well; they feel the sorrow and pain of it in their private hours. As the trauma producing effects of these evil and wrong acts distil on the soul of the men and women who do it, they sometime confide in people or bemoan and mourn.

• Unwanted pregnancy – This is one of the major subtopics of this project. It is, however, apt to revisit it here because of its contributory factor in the destruction of the objective of those who seek sexual intercourse for pleasure. Whatever joy they may ever attain from sexual intercourse is not just erased by unwanted pregnancy, it adds to the lifelong sorrow and sometimes, the eternal damnation of the people involved.

• Abortion and the attendant consequences of death, barrenness and sickness – This like unto unwanted pregnancy and also a derivation of the same. Now, our pleasure seekers who anchored at the wrong bay of sexual intercourse wakes some weeks later to find that one of them is now pregnant with an offspring nobody wants. As the saying goes, one sin leads to another; they quickly contemplate abortion or are advised to do so by some bystander counselors, usually peers. Many have obtained their abortions in the hands of quacks leading to death, destruction of the woman’s womb so she could not ever conceive a child again. Some have been infected or have had incomplete removal leading to major sicknesses that render the woman’s life miserable throughout the rest of her days. In spite of the above consequences, there is an emotional trauma connected to abortion. Those who have gone through the process who later talked about their experiences would tell you that nothing have been more agonizing in their lives than the awful and terrible feeling that they had done something terribly wrong. They also feel worthless and wasted from inside. This is the real meaning of sorrow.

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