Archive for November 2012

Sex and Responsibility 9: Dependency

November 29, 2012

Sexual intercourse creates a dependency syndrome on those involved in it especially women. The companionship of men and women is a very good thing. But the dependence of one on the other for how to live one’s life even in marriage is wrong. One of the key elements of the Foundation for Joyful Relationships is independence. Partnerships are made stronger if both partners have a life of their own which they are offering to the relationship. This is why the education of women is considered the most important education any nation can provide for the good of the society.

Every party to any form of relationship be it business, social, religious, dating and marital should be independent of each other to be able to find joy, peace and happiness in that relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that some readers of this script are already querying how a husband and wife should not be dependent on each other. Well, if you are asking, be patient and read on for you would find the answers.

Some synonyms of dependency are addiction, craving, enslavement and reliance. These are no doubt, obviously negative words. They simply denote that anybody afflicted with the attitude of dependency is suffering some addiction, is in slavery or have a craving and we all know that cravings are used to refer to inappropriate desires or wants. We have learned from experience that we cannot rely on the arm of flesh for our economic, social and spiritual security. Each person must be worthy to enter the kingdom of God on their own capacity and of and by themselves. No father, mother, husband, wife or whosoever can do it for any other.

One of the reasons we enter into a relationship with people is so we can fulfill the main purpose of our life which is to learn to be happy. We need to realize that relationships as a path to happiness is just a path. It is not the only path. The studies of happiness have also revealed that no one can make you happy. Happiness has been found to be a choice which an individual has to make and cannot be dependent on any other person outside of oneself. If you understand happiness as an individual choice, then you can understand the assertion that all parties to a relationship should be independent for them to hope to achieve the corporate happiness that is possible in the relationship. It simply means that your dependence on a husband or wife or any relationship partner for your happiness is misplaced hope that is bound to harm us ultimately.

Sexual intercourse is a major harbinger of dependency. This is regardless of whether the sexual intercourse is obtained in holy matrimony or in illicit sexual activity.

Perhaps if one is enslaved to a legally and lawfully wedded spouse, it may be pardonable. It is an unpardonable self-inflicted addiction and enslavement to be involved premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse produces a sense of entitlement, especially in a woman. The moment a man starts asking a woman for sexual intercourse, most women erroneously feel that that is a sign that the man needs them. Men do not set out in need of women in their natural state. They set out to get sex.

Sexual relationship for a woman naturally – with the exception of professional prostitutes – is done with her whole being – mind, body, heart and soul. Men see and do sexual intercourse with only their mind. Sex is strictly a mental activity for a man. A man can get sex with as many women as his mind can imagine and fantasize on the pleasure of it. This is why women end up with the dependency syndrome when they start having sexual intercourse with a man. And this is why they are usually the worst hit when the relationship breaks down. They lose everything – mind, body, heart and soul – which they had put in.
Even the women we see as wayward or in prostitution regardless of their class – whether big time city girls or the hotel based prostitute or the neighbourhood generous sex-giver – are merely reacting to the bad deals they had in the hands of the men they had depended on who have abandoned them for sexual intercourse with other women.

We all know that a sense of entitlement is a dangerous attitude that always ends in sorrow and shame and this is regardless of whether it is the man or woman that feels entitled to something or somebody’s time and resources.

The lowest form of life is not the life of poor people. The lowest form of life is the life of any man or woman, no matter their education and status that depends on somebody or something be that a husband, money, property or car for their happiness.

Sex and Responsibility 8: Shyness

November 29, 2012

One of the major challenges that face youth age girls is the emergence of their sexuality attributes. This is evidenced by sprouting breasts, pubic and armpit hairs, expanding hips, onset of menstrual flow, etc. Every girl have welcomed these developments with trepidation and where not assisted by kind and attentive parents, especially mothers, that fact alone induces a state of timidity, nervousness and introversion in her.

The preteen and later teenage boys are not spared. The penis and scrotum enlarges, becoming more sensitive to touch or brushing by other parts of the body or tight clothes also introduces the same sensation of shyness in him.

All these weird experiences produce the negative character trait of shyness and some attendant anti-social behaviour that lead the teenage boys and girls to develop poorly. They face the challenge of not being able to fit in the same garb as their peers.

The key for saving these groups is education and support from parents who understand and can lovingly teach the purpose of these growths and developments.

As a girl battles with this emotional turmoil, it is almost as if one is nailing her to a cross when you introduce her to sexual intercourse outside the bounds of legal and lawful matrimony. It would be some wisdom if the men who lure little girls into illicit sexual intercourse could consider that they are destroying the sense of self-worth and confidence of such a girl.

Even when living conditions, poverty or even environmental factors lure a girl into early sexual relationships by her own free will and choice, she loses her honour and sense of worth. She is enveloped by the negative trait of shyness. Most of the girls take to self-destruct habits such as smoking, drinking and other depravities that nail her to perpetual poverty for herself and her offspring which are usually begotten of out of wedlock.

Intrinsically, all out of wedlock sexual intercourse and most especially teenage sexual involvement are clear to those involved as evil or at least a wrong doing. Even when they make strenuous effort to deny it, in those moments of truth when the party is over and all other actors have gone home or to different places, it dawns on all those involved that what they have done is wrong. They are racked emotionally. Sometimes, they understand what is happening to them. Most times, they don’t understand what is tormenting their lives and leading them to the dangerous habits of drinking and smoking and the attendant ill-health condition.

At other times, they battle with the “everybody is doing it” attitude which struggles to justify the act. The justification battle has been known to do more harm than good for them.

Most of the teenage girls grow into angry women who some of the times end up as street women. Their attitude to society is that of enemies – we and them. They see the rest of the society in the light of the man who in his wickedness introduced them to illicit sexual intercourse, or raped them or probably made them pregnant and abandoned them to fend for themselves and their child or even procure illegal abortions that lead to permanent ill-health, childlessness and other harrowing social experiences for them.

In other words, the impact of shyness rooted into sexual activity, especially by teenage girls and even other unmarried persons is very destructive to the individual and to the society at large.
In consequence, anybody engaging in premarital sexual intercourse should consider the ramifications and stop right there. Spare the girl and spare the world of another anguished woman who would start life shying and whose anger might lead to disease spread, deaths and multiplicity of sorrow and pain.

What Is Success?

November 16, 2012

What Is Success?.

Sex and Responsibility 7: Loss of Self-Esteem

November 1, 2012

The two big time thieves of a sense of self-worth in women is premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. The male partners involved with these women even consider their female partners very poorly. The men do not trust these women. They treat these women poorly. These women no matter what they do cannot earn the respect of these men and of other men around who are privy to what is going on. Men also try to buoy up their ego by announcing how and the very women they have had sexual liaison with. And those involved know it and it affects their self-esteem. There is also an unconscious connection to what the women feel about themselves. These women deep inside them feel like trash but they usually cannot place their hands on the cause.

These illicit sexual unions hardly result in marriage. When they result in marriages, it is usually without trust and often abusive. All that premarital and extra marital sexual intercourse bring to the practitioners especially the women are shame and pain of heart. No woman ever glory in the act of premarital and extramarital sex. They, in fact, wish the ground open for them to fall in when they reflect on their condition or have it flash in their inner mind and heart.

More often than not, people think there is much to be gained by premarital and extra material sexual intercourse. They think in terms of the fun and excitement, the material benefits such clothing, shoes, jewelry, money and connections for jobs and other sundry considerations. There is much emphasis in worldliness these days. It is only in worldliness that you can find value for the benefits of inappropriate sexual behaviour. Whatever value we see of the proceeds of immorality pales into worthless trash almost immediately.

People have even hinted and sometimes boasted of how a man they had this illicit sexual intercourse with was responsible for saving their families from poverty by his generosity to all their family members, providing jobs to the women and their siblings. These considerations have been known to avail very little when the impact of the act starts manifesting in the mind and heart and body and the environment of those who are involved in it.

Some of the feelings that those who are involved in unlawful sexual intercourse struggle with, which take away any joys and excitements and the supposed value of any material benefits include:

• Shyness
• Dishonour
• Dependence
• Pain
• Shame
• Scuttled dreams
• Poverty
• Enmity
• The Spirit of God stops striving with the fellow
• Loss of the zeal for living

All these and more combined produce a loss of self-esteem which precludes those involved from enjoying their lives to the fullest possible. These challenges arising from premarital and extra marital sexual activity create stumbling blocks in the lives of the people involved in it.

The loss self-esteem takes away the enthusiasm for life. It affects our thought processes even when we do not see it or accept that it does. By the time the effect starts manifesting, we are already in deep waters and some have ended up as psycho cases which are usually blamed on neighbourhood witches and wizards and envious relatives.

Be wise and avoid any form of premarital and extra marital sexual activity in your life.

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