Archive for the ‘couples’ Category

You Said That Marriage Is An Act Of Faith And Not Money: How Can You Marry Without Money?

July 20, 2012

We have had princes and princesses and sons and daughters of the wealthy who could not marry. We have had people of wealth and means who could not even chat a woman up or have a man pay attention to them. We have had many of these people with a lot of money who lived and died single. We have many of such who could not make successful marriages. We have many high and mighty, wealthy and educated that could not raise a family or posterity they could be proud of on earth and, of course, in the presence of God. For these, money never was their problem because they had money in abundance.

In the same vein, we have had many people without money or who are poor who could not marry or are also unable to chat a woman up or be desired by any man. There are several poor people who could not raise a proper family they could be proud of just as there has been the rich and wealthy who could not also do the same.

What all these point to is that, logically speaking, money is not a catcher for marriage. What I have learned from my own experience is that the decision to get married is not an issue of the availability of money but that of desire. Desire is the first principle of successful living and wealth creation. It is desire that pushes for the achievement of anything in life. If you want something so badly, then you always ultimately get it. But if you do not want something, even if it is dropped at your feet, you have no motivation to do anything about it.

Think about it this way. The first time you did something important for your welfare and development, did you do it because you had money or did you do it because it is what you wanted? Every time I have done this test with people, it is always that they obtained something because it is what they wanted rather than what money they have leading them to go for what they got.

I know people who are married whose monthly income is less than half of many who would not marry because they did not have enough money to feed themselves not to talk of adding another mouth in the place of a wife and possibly children.

Even with all the money in the world, there is no guarantee that your marriage would be happy. The things that guarantee peace and happiness in marriage are ninety per cent attitude, nine and half per cent decision. Other variables share the remaining half per cent with money in contributing to peace and happiness in marriage.

In the foundation for joyful relationships, friendship, mutual respect and faith in God are tops to what people should learn and acquire during dating and courtship if they want to be happy in their marriage.

If you need help with your dating and marriage relationship, contact me at


July 17, 2010


How To use The Law of Reciprocity To Grow Your Relationship

July 4, 2010

The Law of Reciprocity is perhaps the most powerful and vital of all human motivators. Your regular use of it will bring you opportunities that you cannot now envision. This principle says, “If you do a duty for someone, that someone, will want to do a duty for you. He or she would want to reciprocate in some way so that he or she does not feel indebted.”

Majority of human beings would naturally like to be fair in their dealings with other people. As soon as someone does something pleasant for a person, that individual feels an obligation to give back, to pay the person back one way or the other.  The immediate result of a favor or benevolence is to unbalance the equation of equality between the giver and the receiver. In consequence, recipients always look for ways to restore equilibrium. They look for a way to return the good deed by doing something good for you also.

Think about the experiences you have had in the past.  When you take a friend out for lunch or other outings and you pay the bill, he or she would like to invite you out the next time. If you host a friend in your home for dinner, he or she will feel obliged to inviting you over at some other time to his or her own home.  Perhaps, you can remember the last time you send or received Christmas or birthday cards.  The overwhelming feeling for all parties is to reciprocate even when you are not all well acquainted with each other.

Many relationship problems emanate from the fact that this law is either not recognized or not practiced.  It is associated to the law of retributive justice or karma as it is known in the esoteric schools.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Imagine how a relationship would flow sweetly and produce fulfillment for all concerned if people would give the love and affection they are expecting from their spouses.  Think about your need for kind words and therefore the need to speak kindly to your partner.  We all wish we are more trusted by our partners, how about trusting our partners and keep it so until we are disappointed.  People in relationships always expect that the other party is friendlier in their attitude towards them.  How about taking deliberate steps to be friendly yourself towards the other party.

The list and opportunities are endless.  The way to go is to ask yourself, what would I have done to me in this relationship? What would I like to get from this relationship?  Then try to do those things you would want done to you and start giving those things you would want to get.  In due course, by the immutable laws of nature, everything you have done and given would be returned to you many fold.

This law is infallible.  Think about those times when you have smiled at a stranger and remember what happened.  They usually always smile back.  You can even experiment on this at home with your spouse or partner.  Alternate between smiling and frowning and see what you get from your wife, children.  If you are in a dating or courtship relationship, try practicing this when you meet for an outing.

And when you are not getting what you want from or in a relationship, why not sit down and review what you are giving or investing. Attitude is important also.  When you do or give, it should be according to the law – unconditionally.  There should be no conditions attached.  You should give because it is the right thing to do.  This should be separated from the ensnaring gifts of men and women in skewed up relationships.  Nevertheless, they still usually lead you to get what you want, though it may be dubious.

When you arrange your life in agreement with the laws of nature or God, you will always be amazed at the rapidity at which good things start to turn out for you.

The Law of Reciprocity in human associations is one of the most potent principles you will ever gain knowledge of.

Francis Nmeribe is a relationship expert and coach.  He can be reached through his website and blog: and or email:

Groundwork For Joyful Relationships

April 1, 2010

The synonyms for the word relationship include ‘association, affiliation, bond, link, liaison, rapport, connection, etc.’  When you extend these synonyms a little further, you will see other words like friendship, union, alliance, attachment, contact, cooperation, involvement, understanding, affinity, empathy, etc.  The images that come into my mind as I contemplate these words include social, business, filial and marriage relationships.

Relationships are at the root of all forms of human endeavour.  Experience has shown that some foundational issues must be fully considered in order for us to build joyful relationships.  Some relationships that are critical to human peace, happiness and growth are those associated with sexes.  These foundational principles will serve all of these types of relationships very well.  It would, however, serve the marriage and its associated preliminary relationships – dating and courtship – the best.

The foundations for lasting and joyful relationships that lead to growing marriage relationships include:

  • friendship
  • mutual respect
  • honour
  • faith in God
  • Trust or faith in one another
  • clarity of purpose
  • integrity
  • virtue, etc

Find a relationship that has endured and you will find these elements at its foundation.  Find a relationship that has collapsed and you’ll find that these virtues were lacking or were not strengthened over time.  Those men/women relationships that are still there that lack these elements are one of the hundreds of millions of marriage relationships that are mere caricature of the real thing.  Many involved confess being trapped, confused, and running high-blood pressure.  It takes a life time to sustain the marriage relationships that are well founded.  What is the hope for those built upon the sand of sexual intimacy?  Most relationships are hanging on because children are involved, or the partners are afraid of what people would say or being seen as failures.

We all need to know that the depravity of premarital sex is not a mere religious jargon.  It is a foundational issue for success in marriage relationships.  Avoidance of premarital sex would enable ‘girls to get what they really want which is “a man” would care for them’.

I cannot remember the name of the movie where I heard this quotation.  I would use it anyway.  “Love is one product you cannot sell by giving out sample”. The main mindset of the ladies, especially those who feel time is running out on them on account of age seem to be “give the man a ‘little booty’ if you want help him decide to marry you”.  Nothing can be further from the truth.  We have countless cases, but no one seem to be ready to learn from their past mistakes or the mistakes of their peers.  If you give a man a little booty, if you allow a man who has not signed the dotted lines before your Church or the Law (Registry) and your parents to see your nakedness or have sexual intimacy with you, you reduce the chance that he will marry you by 90%.  That is a big risk to run if you ask me. At the same time, you erode the elements of mutual respect, trust, faith, honour and virtue by 100%, meaning: if he ultimately marries you, there would be no strength in the foundation of that marriage to produce happiness and make it endure.

There is a higher doctrine of marriage the world needs to seriously be considering at this time.  This is the eternal dimension of marriage.  The popular thing known to man is “till death do us part”.  Marriage is part of the eternal plan of God for His children.  If we plan marriages on ‘till death do us part’ basis, we increase the chance of failure and heartache.  But if we plan marriage with a vision of the eternal relationship in mind, we would make the foundation sure beforehand.

Sexual intimacy, no matter how thrilling, has no capacity to sustain a relationship beyond ‘one hour’.  I want to be quoted on this.  I want to be proven wrong on this with evidence.  Sexual intimacy is critical, wholesome, and beautiful in marriage relationship.  Outside marriage, sexual intimacy produces more pain and anguish and I consider it dangerous to the desires of the young single adults.

The late Lucky Dube cried “my mother didn’t tell me the truth; my father didn’t tell me the truth….about the government”.  Mothers please tell your daughters the truth.  Fathers tell your sons the truth.  Let fathers tell their sons the reason they have no respect or why they have great respect for their mothers.  Let them open up about why they are not happy in their marriages to their sons’ mothers.

Mothers, instead of telling your daughters to “deal” with men because you suffered in their hands as a result of your own mistakes, help them to stop ruining their lives.  My people have a proverb that says, “The sheep is messing its tail up, thinking it is messing up the shed for its owner”.   When premarital sex is involved in a relationship it is the girls/women who lose the most whether it continued into marriage or failed.  The men always get what they want – ‘sex’ and the girls always lose what they really want – ‘love’ (care).

Instead of premarital sex, dating partners can advance their relationship faster towards marriage if they used the opportunity of their dating to learn about one another and develop, build and strength the foundational elements for joyful relationships enumerated above.  Dating and courtship would be great fun games if the period is effectively utilized to test one’s partner’s commitment to grow friendship, respect for one another, understand the true meaning of love and the sacrifices therein.  For example, it would be great to know that love is not about merely looking into each other’s eyes to discover how much sexual arousal we have evoked in them, but more about both partners looking at the same goal.

To your relationship success.

Francis O. Nmeribe is a Relationship expert and coach and the President of Success Publishers ® He is the author of two bestselling books – “Foundation For Joyful Relationships” and Growing From Your Experiences”.

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