Archive for the ‘Relationships, Dating, Courtship, Love, Friendship, Integrity, Purpose of Marriage, Abstinence, Fidelity’ Category

What Is Success?

November 16, 2012

What Is Success?.

Sex and Responsibility 7: Loss of Self-Esteem

November 1, 2012

The two big time thieves of a sense of self-worth in women is premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. The male partners involved with these women even consider their female partners very poorly. The men do not trust these women. They treat these women poorly. These women no matter what they do cannot earn the respect of these men and of other men around who are privy to what is going on. Men also try to buoy up their ego by announcing how and the very women they have had sexual liaison with. And those involved know it and it affects their self-esteem. There is also an unconscious connection to what the women feel about themselves. These women deep inside them feel like trash but they usually cannot place their hands on the cause.

These illicit sexual unions hardly result in marriage. When they result in marriages, it is usually without trust and often abusive. All that premarital and extra marital sexual intercourse bring to the practitioners especially the women are shame and pain of heart. No woman ever glory in the act of premarital and extramarital sex. They, in fact, wish the ground open for them to fall in when they reflect on their condition or have it flash in their inner mind and heart.

More often than not, people think there is much to be gained by premarital and extra material sexual intercourse. They think in terms of the fun and excitement, the material benefits such clothing, shoes, jewelry, money and connections for jobs and other sundry considerations. There is much emphasis in worldliness these days. It is only in worldliness that you can find value for the benefits of inappropriate sexual behaviour. Whatever value we see of the proceeds of immorality pales into worthless trash almost immediately.

People have even hinted and sometimes boasted of how a man they had this illicit sexual intercourse with was responsible for saving their families from poverty by his generosity to all their family members, providing jobs to the women and their siblings. These considerations have been known to avail very little when the impact of the act starts manifesting in the mind and heart and body and the environment of those who are involved in it.

Some of the feelings that those who are involved in unlawful sexual intercourse struggle with, which take away any joys and excitements and the supposed value of any material benefits include:

• Shyness
• Dishonour
• Dependence
• Pain
• Shame
• Scuttled dreams
• Poverty
• Enmity
• The Spirit of God stops striving with the fellow
• Loss of the zeal for living

All these and more combined produce a loss of self-esteem which precludes those involved from enjoying their lives to the fullest possible. These challenges arising from premarital and extra marital sexual activity create stumbling blocks in the lives of the people involved in it.

The loss self-esteem takes away the enthusiasm for life. It affects our thought processes even when we do not see it or accept that it does. By the time the effect starts manifesting, we are already in deep waters and some have ended up as psycho cases which are usually blamed on neighbourhood witches and wizards and envious relatives.

Be wise and avoid any form of premarital and extra marital sexual activity in your life.

Sex And Responsibility 5: Emotional Imbalance

October 8, 2012

Exciting sexual intercourse is 99% fantasy. Even the daydream is over most times before it ever started. The practitioners are left with more confusion than satisfaction. This is why you have people with insatiable sexual behaviour. The truth is that there would never be sexual satisfaction for anybody.

It involves a lot of work to get sex. This is even so among animals. Where the sexual organs are placed in the human and animal bodies suggests some sacredness and secrecy. It takes a lot of physical and emotional demands to get there for both men and women respectively.

For the men, sexual intercourse is much of a physical thing. For the women, it is much of an emotional thing. Women have a connection to sexual intercourse that is intrinsic. Women do sex with their soul – their being – you can say with their mind, body and heart. Conversely, men do sex with their body only. Sexual intercourse is simply organic to men while it is soulful for women. This is why – without being commercial sex workers – a man could have sexual intercourse with two or more women at once and feel normal. The same act of having sexual intercourse with more than one person at once produces seriously traumatizing experience for women.

Even when they have sexual intercourse with one person who they even claim to love or desire outside marriage, the women are not at peace. Those who hear confessions would tell you that women are the ones that usually come forward to confess sexual sins. The men are usually dragged out to confess because the women with whom they are involved have come forward and confessed to the authorities and have mentioned the men.

In sexual intercourse, women seek connection to a better half while men sick expression of their manliness. Sexual intercourse never means the same thing for men and women. For men it is more of sport where they try to show prowess. For women, it is a different kettle of fish. Women invest their body, mind and heart or in other words, their soul into a sexual act. Research has show that even women commercial sex workers are traumatized by their own sex life more than the stigma of being a commercial sex worker does. Some reported of getting ‘a wasting feeling’ – as if their essence is being rubbed or scraped off their bodies and washed away in a drain. They feel an indescribable imbalance in their being that torments.

For other women of lose moral who are not residing in brothels, they are so distraught, they, without wisdom of what is happening, imagine that getting more sexual partners, acquiring more stuff – material gains such cash in the bank, cars, property, clothing and other apparels – could quench their propensity. All those involved know that it doesn’t. The truth is that those involved are in a state of emotional imbalance.

Regardless of the bravado of men and the physical nature of their sex life, premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse create serious emotional imbalance in them as is the case in women. It is this emotional imbalance that make it possible for a woman not having any knowledge of fact about her husband’s extramarital sexual life could be aware of the fact that her husband is cheating on her. In my marriage coaching and counselling experience, many women have confessed having so strong feelings about their husband’s escapades. They feel oppressed when there is no visible oppressor. They have felt distrustful of their husbands regardless of the man’s effort to make them feel otherwise. These feelings have usually led to crisis that finally exposes the fact that the man have been cheating.
Now, the problem here is that regardless of the permissiveness of our times, the media hype about sexual licence and even the claims by some esoteric schools that sexual intercourse between two consenting adults is alright, experience has shown that the human person is in a sticky situation with every premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. Many people put up all sorts of logics and excuses for getting involved in illicit sexual intercourse. Some even work hard to drown their act with alcohol. But we all know that it does not really work. The bravado and boastings about our sexual escapades have never been able to remove the sense of guilt and torment that sire our soul when we are involved in inappropriate sexual relationship.

These feelings of guilt and torment of the soul produces emotional imbalance in the human person. Some of the times, when we are in a situation of emotional imbalance, we usually are not able to put our hands on the matter with us. In a state of emotional imbalance, we make mistakes, we are unhappy and we lose our peace and sometimes sleep. Because of the intrinsic nature of our emotions it is not easy for us to immediately place its influence in our responses and reactions to situations that affect our lives.
Generally, our behaviours change. People around us wonder what is wrong. When we are asked what is wrong, we usually retort that nothing is wrong. This is, however, because we do not really know what is affecting or influencing our conduct and worries.

This is how it is possible for a woman to decipher that her husband is having an affair when she has no evidence to prove anything.

If the situation continues without repentance and totally abandoning the course, it leads to nervous breakdown and usually to a breakdown of the marriage.

You Said That Marriage Is An Act Of Faith And Not Money: How Can You Marry Without Money?

July 20, 2012

We have had princes and princesses and sons and daughters of the wealthy who could not marry. We have had people of wealth and means who could not even chat a woman up or have a man pay attention to them. We have had many of these people with a lot of money who lived and died single. We have many of such who could not make successful marriages. We have many high and mighty, wealthy and educated that could not raise a family or posterity they could be proud of on earth and, of course, in the presence of God. For these, money never was their problem because they had money in abundance.

In the same vein, we have had many people without money or who are poor who could not marry or are also unable to chat a woman up or be desired by any man. There are several poor people who could not raise a proper family they could be proud of just as there has been the rich and wealthy who could not also do the same.

What all these point to is that, logically speaking, money is not a catcher for marriage. What I have learned from my own experience is that the decision to get married is not an issue of the availability of money but that of desire. Desire is the first principle of successful living and wealth creation. It is desire that pushes for the achievement of anything in life. If you want something so badly, then you always ultimately get it. But if you do not want something, even if it is dropped at your feet, you have no motivation to do anything about it.

Think about it this way. The first time you did something important for your welfare and development, did you do it because you had money or did you do it because it is what you wanted? Every time I have done this test with people, it is always that they obtained something because it is what they wanted rather than what money they have leading them to go for what they got.

I know people who are married whose monthly income is less than half of many who would not marry because they did not have enough money to feed themselves not to talk of adding another mouth in the place of a wife and possibly children.

Even with all the money in the world, there is no guarantee that your marriage would be happy. The things that guarantee peace and happiness in marriage are ninety per cent attitude, nine and half per cent decision. Other variables share the remaining half per cent with money in contributing to peace and happiness in marriage.

In the foundation for joyful relationships, friendship, mutual respect and faith in God are tops to what people should learn and acquire during dating and courtship if they want to be happy in their marriage.

If you need help with your dating and marriage relationship, contact me at

When dating is it compulsory to give hugs and kisses?

July 12, 2012

Hugs and kisses are intimate acts of love and affection. They are used to express love and deep affections between people. In some cultures light kisses involving pecks on the cheek and light lips to lips touches are part of the normal way of greeting people especially close associates and family members.

Hugs and kisses are part of the deep expressions of intimacy appropriate only in a marriage relationship. While a hug may easily pass as an innocent act between two people of the opposite sex, a kiss cannot pass the same test.

In a dating relationship, hugs and kisses are not only inappropriate, they are fraught with the danger of leading you on to more acts of intimacy including fornication, also called premarital sex and rape.
Some of the common questions young people ask about hugs and kisses include:

• How would it be possible to know that someone loves you if you cannot hug and kiss him or her?

• What harm is there in an innocent kiss?

• How can an ordinary hug hurt?

It would interest you to know that hugs and kisses no matter how intimate they are or become as the relationship advances, are not proof of anything in connection to love. A kiss is just a kiss. If it is not related to the culturally mandated greeting, then the only place that it is a worthy act is in marriage. Outside marriage, a kiss barefaced immorality and should be seen as such at all times.
There are lots of harm in a kiss. A kiss is not innocent at anytime. It is either a greeting in some cultural setting or an act of intimacy expressing affection that is only appropriate in a marriage relationship. Outside culture and marriage, a kiss is as dangerous to your relationship and sense of self-worth as is premarital sexual intercourse. This is because, that kiss that appeared innocent to you can easily lead to breaking the law of chastity or even date rape. A kiss is always a premeditated act. It is usually thought of in advance of its occurrence.

An ordinary hug can hurt like fire. It can lead straight to unwanted pregnancy, unplanned marriage, date rape, unplanned sexual act. When you hug in an intimate setting, the contact with the body of the opposite sex sets off some brain activities that discharge the feel good chemicals into your blood stream which immediately loosens up your defences.

On close contact with the body of the opposite sex, the nose of a man picks the smell of the female body which has the capacity to communicate excitement to your brain. Normally you want more. You caress, you squeeze harder. The touch of a man to some parts of the body of a woman puts her on fire and weakens her defences and at the same time causes her to respond in ways that encourage the man to go further.

Women naturally do not go out of their way to want to have sex. They are usually tuned in by small and sometimes innocuous acts that mean different things to her from what the man is reading. Date rapes have occurred because the woman only suddenly realized that they have gone too far at the point where the man could not stop himself again.

So, it is not even appropriate to hug and kiss when dating not to talk of such acts being compulsory.

When can a date develop into courtship?

July 12, 2012

A date is someone you are considering for courtship or marriage. The right time for a dating relationship to develop into a courtship relationship is when you have learned about each other enough to feel you know each other well. During this period you must have established the following foundational elements for a joyful relationship:

• You have become friends with one another;

• You now trust him or her totally and to the point of refusing to accept the efforts of outsiders to tear you people apart with a lie;

• Both of you have faith in God who is the author of the marriage institution;

• You have dated virtuously without premarital sexual intercourse;

• You have developed mutual respect for one another – demands for premarital sex is a sign of lack of respect;

• Communication – you have developed easiness in discussing and chatting meaningfully without fits and bursts common in relationships between the sexes;

• You feel and also see that both of you are likely marriage candidates.

Friendship is stronger than love in sustaining a relationship. It is better to be trusted than to be loved. Marriage is an act of faith. That faith must be placed in God our Heavenly Father who is the author of the institution. That way, you can learn and together follow the laws, ordinances and covenants that God himself established for the marriage institution.

Your dating period should be a time to learn self control. You need self control not get involved in premarital sexual intercourse. This skill you can only learn during dating would help you to be considerate of one another during marriage where you would soon find out that sexual intercourse is only about five percent of the whole business.

Mutual respect is one critical make or mar element for marriage and the related relationships of dating and courtship. It needs to be developed at the stage of dating before that relationship should be allowed to develop any further. If mutual respect is not found in a relationship during dating, it is advised that the relationship go no further.

Communication is perhaps the most important thing a dating couple should learn to do together. It is not always easy for the male to hold a meaningful discussion with a female. When not properly managed, the time spent together would be used to feel and imagine the sexual aspects of the relationship and if not careful daters would indulge in premarital sex which scuttles the relationship. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen should learn to talk while with one another. When you establish that both of you can hold meaningful discussion for at least one hour or more seamlessly, then you know that the relationship could advance to the next level.

In the course of your dating relationship and as you pay careful attention to the itemized elements of the foundation for joyful relationships, you may get the feeling that both of you are made for each other.

While dating, if you notice that you have the above situations settled in your heart, then it is time to move from dating to courtship.

One more point is that courtship should not be declared unless both of you are ready for marriage within the next six months or not far away from six months.

Good luck.

How To Keep A Guy Fascinated About You

October 5, 2011

It is interesting how some women seem to have obvious advantage in thrilling their men than others. It is more interesting to note that some of the ladies who are best at this game are not usually the prettiest around. Most of the time, these are clearly ordinary looking ladies who we obviously believe we have some aces ahead of them. What is it that makes them seem to have all the lead in relationship with their men? These ladies who are able to make their men turn on a spin have one thing in common – they are fascinating. The synonyms of fascinating include charming, attractive, enthralling, mesmerizing, captivating, interesting, absorbing and intriguing.

A lady can earn this status in a man’s heart if she is able to arouse emotional attraction in the man. There are two key attractor factors in the relationship between the sexes. These are physical and emotional. Physical attraction serves a limited purpose – to get the man knocking at your door. If after arrival, a man did not get emotionally attracted to you, there would be no love. This is why in spite of exhilarating sexual intercourse, men quit relationships.

Physical attraction consists of a pretty face, height, sex appeal, etc. Emotional attraction consists of feeling of connection, friendship, love, etc. While you are born with the elements of physical attraction, the qualities that create emotional attraction are both innate and enhanced over a period of time.

Here are a few things you can do during a relationship to build emotional attraction and keep your man fascinated throughout the relationship:

• Have a life of your own – It is common to see ladies lose themselves in a relationship to the extent that all their peace and joy become dependent on how that relationship worked out. It happens most when a lady feels that she has a great man around her. This is an antithesis to the innate desires of our hearts to be happy. This might appear natural given that the man may actually make you happy. The addictive presence of a great guy is very risky because it quickly leads a lady to begin to think she can’t get by without the man. This leads to yet other wrong moves including attempting to fix the man to fit into what you really want. Instead of depending on the man for your happiness or trying to fix him into a mold, concentrate on your own personal development – read, learn, be aware of trends pertaining to your health, career, social relationships and self-improvement.

• Be yourself – It is better to be first class you than to be second class anybody no matter their height and position. Because someone seems to be more attractive than you is not a good reason to start aping the person. This is because what works for the person you are imitating might not work for you. We are all endowed with special gifts that only you or I can build up on to advantage. What you lack in physical beauty is usually more than compensated in wittiness, smartness or other talents that would distinguish you. To be fascinating, you need to discover what your natural gifts are which you can develop to greater gain.

Be a listener – Everybody want to be heard. You would be more charming in the mind and heart of a man when he notices that you listen attentively to his conversations and in fact, only interject to prod him on. The best conversationalists are the best listeners. The best people we want to spend time with are usually those who would keenly listen to what we have to say. You would arouse more warmth in the heart of a man if he knows, feels and sees that you are attentive to him.

Be creative – You must have heard of such things as creative dating ideas. You can extend this to creative courtship and marriage ideas. Think about your relationship and be clear of what you want out of it and start creating that objective, the ways leading to it, activities that would enhance the possibility of attaining your goal.

Be fun to be with – Men go into a relationship with the anticipation that it would be fun. They like action and thrills of the chase. They like it best when the woman is not easy to get. The natural mystery that surrounds women is one of the enticing elements in a man’s make up. If you are predictable, easy to decipher, then you would more often than not, lose in the game.


The Law Of Attraction In Your Dating And Courtship

October 5, 2011

The law of attraction states that you attract into your life, opportunities and situations that are in harmony with your dominant thoughts.

The law of attraction has been taught, learned, discussed and practiced since the period of the ancient Egyptian mystery schools. It is still as relevant today as it was then. It is both believed and vilified by people as true and as untrue.

One implication of this law is that everything you have or lack in life has been attracted to you by your thoughts. Both from the scriptures and other sources, we learn, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Our personal experiences show for example that each that we are troubled or anxious, the more fearful or evil thoughts that pass through our mind, the more unhappy we become.

This position is weighty in the sense that so many things pass through our mind every moment of the day. Some of them are beautiful thoughts, others are ugly thoughts.

Some are wicked thoughts, fearful thoughts and some of the times, thoughts of courage, thoughts of love and peace.

Another implication of this law is that you can change your present circumstance by changing the way you think. If your dominant thoughts have been thoughts of wickedness and fear, you can change those to thoughts of love and courage.

The law of attraction work in relationships as it does in other situations of life. Dating, courtship and marriage relationships will grow, be stunted, diminish or disintegrate according to the dominant thought of those involved. People in relationships wishes their relationships is flowing, growing and glowing. However, the real result that would be obtained would not be determined by the wishes but by the dominant thought. There is a popular saying in personal development which describes the situation here. It is that while people wish positive, they end up thinking negative.

Many meet a potential date or spouse and the desire for a joyful relationship is aroused. However, fear of losing out sets in. As this fear of losing out dominates your thinking, you create a thought form that is broadcast all over the atmosphere announcing that what you really want is to lose out in this game. As a man thinketh, begins to manifest.

We may blame our relationship woes on the other person or a list of one thousand other reasons or circumstances. The truth is that the result we got is the one we told our mind that we wanted through our thinking. We create what happens to us by the way we think.

How To Use This Law – Analyze your current relationship status or condition and see how it agrees with the way you are thinking. Take credit and responsibility for the result, whether good or bad. Decide what you are going to do about it. Look into your life and ask what is in me that is the root of my current results. Presume as a principle that you are the architect of your own life and destiny. Identify and write what changes you need to make in your thinking for the change or improvement you want in your life. Start thinking along that line.

Learn more at my website: and get a free eBook – “Wrong Reasons For Getting Married”.

7 Rules Of The Dating Game

October 31, 2010

It is a well considered opinion that the best approach to dating is to see it as a game.  All games have rules.  From the traditional to the professional games of all shades and colours, rules are at the base of its enjoyment.  The dating game is not left out.  In fact, knowing the dating rules and playing by it is a sine quo non for success in dating.  These dating rules are applicable throughout the season of dating and beyond and would be helpful in sustaining the courtship and marriage relationships that could flow from a dating relationship.  It applies to younger people who are dating for the purpose of socialization as well as the older people who are dating for the purpose of marriage.  These rules also apply to relationships unrelated to dating, courtship and marriage.  Learned and applied on other facets of life would give one the advantage in situations where dealing with other people are involved.

Rule 1: Independence and Sense of Self-worth

Your primary concern in any relationship – regardless of what kind of relationship it is – is to be yourself. This means that you need to know what you want from life and the relationship.  You need to love and respect yourself.  You need to know that you are an individual with potential for the best in life and not be prepared to settle for less.  You might ask yourself these questions before you take up the dating bull by its horns – Who do I think that I am? What do I want from this relationship?  Where are my moral boundaries? How much do I love myself? It would be a great idea to measure your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and ascertain that you are absolutely sure that you could not be confused by veiled seductive signals from the opposite sex.

Rule 2: Be prepared to create and have fun

The base purpose of all games is to create and have fun.  There is no reason the dating game should be otherwise.  When we try to make other people happy, we are happy ourselves.  So, this a rule you can derive its dual benefits with one act.  The law of reciprocity or of giving comes to play here.  If you give, you receive, most times double and ten times over.  The next time, therefore,  you have a date coming, remember this rule and get prepared in your mind on those things you can do to create fun for your partner so that you can also have fun.  The success of any dating effort is rated by how much fun both partners had.  If you deliberately plan and do make your date feel happy while you were out together, the better you feel yourself.  It must be stated here, though, that the fun spoken about here is not fornication – sexual intercourse.

Rule 3: Effective Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of all relationships whether or not connected to affairs of the heart.  Nowhere is more critical than it is in the affairs of the heart. In fact, during dating and courtship period of every relationship is the time to learn and apply this rule so that one would be wise in it.  In effective communication, you are not only just required to communicate well; you are required to help your partner to understand you.  This could be a thorny challenge in life.  Without effective communication, it would be difficult to find friendship, trust, respect, love, understanding, etc where requisite building blocks of the foundation for joyful relationships are based.  Effective communication is required to build love and intimacy in that relationship.  This is a critical rule.  The Achilles’ heel to this rule is premarital sex.    One of the ways to learn and apply this rule is to ask a lot of questions through the meeting.

Rule 4: Be Prepared To Discuss Differences

It is not all the time that your ability to communicate or obey rules would give you a smooth ride in a dating relationship.  There are times that communications breakdown even between two people who may have thought that all is going well with their relationship.  During those stormy seasons in a growing relationship, the ability to calmly discuss the differences is very helpful.  Sometimes it is the only security for the relationship to continue.  To be able to works through these rough waters of relationship, both partners should be able and willing to put all the cards on the table and discuss their differences with respect for each others boundaries and individuality.

Rule 5: Nurture Your Relationship

Every dating relationship and indeed all relationships, be they business, social, intimate and even the ultimate, marriage, need to be nurtured to keep going.

Constant appreciation, value, consideration, reciprocity and thoughtfulness all help in showing each partner that he/she is cherished and valued and gives them a feeling  that they have a place in your life. It must be stated though that these does not include sexual favors. In fact, premarital sex would harm the relationship badly.

Rule 6:  Avoid Premarital Sex

There many reasons why you should avoid premarital sex.  If that does not appeal to you, it would be wise to note that it is a breaking of the rule of the game of dating to have sexual intercourse during dating.  The only sexual intercourse is acceptable in human relationships is in lawful and legal wedlock.  Premarital sex would take away the opportunity to build friendship and trust which are critical for the future development of the relationship to courtship and marriage.  Premarital sex scuttles the ability of couples to learn and apply effective communication.

Rule 7:  Ask the most important questions on the first date

This is critical especially if you are dating for the purpose of marriage.  Some people believe it would have been better if the critical questions like family finance, how many children, extended family, demographics, sex, religion, should be asked after the dating relationship has advanced far and may into courtship.  On the contrary, it best to trash the thorny issues first.  If for example you are dating for marriage, is there any reason to waste several months with a man or woman whose financial plan, religion, demographics, number of children, sex and extended family ideas are at variance with yours.  You can trash these issues on the first date and that would help you know whether you should see the person again.

6 Ways To Test Your Relationship For Love

October 31, 2010

The relationship between the sexes has always been a make or mar venture in all generations of mankind.  This particular relationship has been known to build people up or tear them down.  It has built cities, it has destroyed nations.  It has been the cause or has led to several wars in the course of the history of man.  It is has brought joys and blessings and has also been responsible for the ruin of men and women, trauma, heartache, pain, anguish.  Yet, it is the relationship between men and women that produces the best of all meaning to life and the blessings thereof.

There are processes and proven strategies for conducting the relationship between men and women to ensure that it fills the end of its creation.  It starts with the foundation for joyful relationships.  The foundational elements of joyful relationships include knowledge and skill in the practice of the following qualities:

  • Friendship
  • Mutual respect
  • Trust
  • Faith in God
  • Clarity of Purpose
  • Virtue
  • Integrity
  • Honor
  • Love
  • Communication
  • Understanding
  • Independence
  • Forgiveness

As you start the dating processes with these foundational elements, the relationship would make progress towards courtship.  During the dating processes, people are expected to make efforts to meet several prospective partners for study and possibility of building an emotional connection.  As soon as the possibility of emotional connection is considered, then it would be a wise time to move your relationship to courtship level.  At this point, the relationship is narrowed to two people who could now get into more details of knowing one another with marriage consideration.

How do you know if your courtship partner is the right one for you?  How can one know if the person you are seeing is the one person to be your spouse?  The following six test questions which in turn are a pairing of the above elements into 6 groups would help all those genuinely seeking for a life partners to do so with a reasonable assurance of love between them.

These are:

  • Friendship and trust – Do you trust your boyfriend or girlfriend completely? Do you admire your partner for who he or she is without desiring to change him or her? Do you enjoy different activities together or do your time together typical gyrate around physical intimacy? Are you free of jealousy or endeavor to control each other’s life?
  • Communication – Is your relationship peaceful and devoid of frequent wrangling? When there is disagreement, are you able to work through the issues involved without being abusive of one another.  Can you discuss about anything with your partner?  Your ability to listen to each other with enough patient to understand each other’s point of view is a good way to know if you are communicating effectively.
  • Family and friends – Have kept the relationship open to your parents and siblings so that they know about what is going on between you two and are his or her family and siblings also aware of your relationship.  Have you established your family’s opinion of your partner and do you know if they feel he or she is good for you?  Are you open and honest about your relationship without needing to hide certain aspects of from your parents?
  • The future – Are you comfortable with the thought of marrying this person without expecting him or her to change into the person you can tolerate? Are you taking your time about marrying this person or are you rushing to get married at a particular time for one reason or the other? Would your date make a great parent? Would you like your children to turn out just like him or her?
  • Morality – Has your dating period been morally clean?  Is your relationship free of any sexual pressure, coercion and manipulation either from you or your partner?  Do any of you take any drugs, alcohol or view pornography? Regardless of whether you are a virgin or not, are both of you saving sex for marriage?  Outside mere abstinence from sexual intercourse, can you honestly say your relationship is pure?
  • Spirituality – Do you and your partner practice the same faith and go to meetings together?  Has the relationship with this partner helped you to be closer to God? Do you remember each other in your prayers?

Answering these questions honestly will help you know whether your relationship is growing towards love or lust.


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