Archive for the ‘Success’ Category

What Is Success?

November 16, 2012

What Is Success?.

Sex and Responsibility 7: Loss of Self-Esteem

November 1, 2012

The two big time thieves of a sense of self-worth in women is premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. The male partners involved with these women even consider their female partners very poorly. The men do not trust these women. They treat these women poorly. These women no matter what they do cannot earn the respect of these men and of other men around who are privy to what is going on. Men also try to buoy up their ego by announcing how and the very women they have had sexual liaison with. And those involved know it and it affects their self-esteem. There is also an unconscious connection to what the women feel about themselves. These women deep inside them feel like trash but they usually cannot place their hands on the cause.

These illicit sexual unions hardly result in marriage. When they result in marriages, it is usually without trust and often abusive. All that premarital and extra marital sexual intercourse bring to the practitioners especially the women are shame and pain of heart. No woman ever glory in the act of premarital and extramarital sex. They, in fact, wish the ground open for them to fall in when they reflect on their condition or have it flash in their inner mind and heart.

More often than not, people think there is much to be gained by premarital and extra material sexual intercourse. They think in terms of the fun and excitement, the material benefits such clothing, shoes, jewelry, money and connections for jobs and other sundry considerations. There is much emphasis in worldliness these days. It is only in worldliness that you can find value for the benefits of inappropriate sexual behaviour. Whatever value we see of the proceeds of immorality pales into worthless trash almost immediately.

People have even hinted and sometimes boasted of how a man they had this illicit sexual intercourse with was responsible for saving their families from poverty by his generosity to all their family members, providing jobs to the women and their siblings. These considerations have been known to avail very little when the impact of the act starts manifesting in the mind and heart and body and the environment of those who are involved in it.

Some of the feelings that those who are involved in unlawful sexual intercourse struggle with, which take away any joys and excitements and the supposed value of any material benefits include:

• Shyness
• Dishonour
• Dependence
• Pain
• Shame
• Scuttled dreams
• Poverty
• Enmity
• The Spirit of God stops striving with the fellow
• Loss of the zeal for living

All these and more combined produce a loss of self-esteem which precludes those involved from enjoying their lives to the fullest possible. These challenges arising from premarital and extra marital sexual activity create stumbling blocks in the lives of the people involved in it.

The loss self-esteem takes away the enthusiasm for life. It affects our thought processes even when we do not see it or accept that it does. By the time the effect starts manifesting, we are already in deep waters and some have ended up as psycho cases which are usually blamed on neighbourhood witches and wizards and envious relatives.

Be wise and avoid any form of premarital and extra marital sexual activity in your life.

Sex And Responsibility 5: Emotional Imbalance

October 8, 2012

Exciting sexual intercourse is 99% fantasy. Even the daydream is over most times before it ever started. The practitioners are left with more confusion than satisfaction. This is why you have people with insatiable sexual behaviour. The truth is that there would never be sexual satisfaction for anybody.

It involves a lot of work to get sex. This is even so among animals. Where the sexual organs are placed in the human and animal bodies suggests some sacredness and secrecy. It takes a lot of physical and emotional demands to get there for both men and women respectively.

For the men, sexual intercourse is much of a physical thing. For the women, it is much of an emotional thing. Women have a connection to sexual intercourse that is intrinsic. Women do sex with their soul – their being – you can say with their mind, body and heart. Conversely, men do sex with their body only. Sexual intercourse is simply organic to men while it is soulful for women. This is why – without being commercial sex workers – a man could have sexual intercourse with two or more women at once and feel normal. The same act of having sexual intercourse with more than one person at once produces seriously traumatizing experience for women.

Even when they have sexual intercourse with one person who they even claim to love or desire outside marriage, the women are not at peace. Those who hear confessions would tell you that women are the ones that usually come forward to confess sexual sins. The men are usually dragged out to confess because the women with whom they are involved have come forward and confessed to the authorities and have mentioned the men.

In sexual intercourse, women seek connection to a better half while men sick expression of their manliness. Sexual intercourse never means the same thing for men and women. For men it is more of sport where they try to show prowess. For women, it is a different kettle of fish. Women invest their body, mind and heart or in other words, their soul into a sexual act. Research has show that even women commercial sex workers are traumatized by their own sex life more than the stigma of being a commercial sex worker does. Some reported of getting ‘a wasting feeling’ – as if their essence is being rubbed or scraped off their bodies and washed away in a drain. They feel an indescribable imbalance in their being that torments.

For other women of lose moral who are not residing in brothels, they are so distraught, they, without wisdom of what is happening, imagine that getting more sexual partners, acquiring more stuff – material gains such cash in the bank, cars, property, clothing and other apparels – could quench their propensity. All those involved know that it doesn’t. The truth is that those involved are in a state of emotional imbalance.

Regardless of the bravado of men and the physical nature of their sex life, premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse create serious emotional imbalance in them as is the case in women. It is this emotional imbalance that make it possible for a woman not having any knowledge of fact about her husband’s extramarital sexual life could be aware of the fact that her husband is cheating on her. In my marriage coaching and counselling experience, many women have confessed having so strong feelings about their husband’s escapades. They feel oppressed when there is no visible oppressor. They have felt distrustful of their husbands regardless of the man’s effort to make them feel otherwise. These feelings have usually led to crisis that finally exposes the fact that the man have been cheating.
Now, the problem here is that regardless of the permissiveness of our times, the media hype about sexual licence and even the claims by some esoteric schools that sexual intercourse between two consenting adults is alright, experience has shown that the human person is in a sticky situation with every premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. Many people put up all sorts of logics and excuses for getting involved in illicit sexual intercourse. Some even work hard to drown their act with alcohol. But we all know that it does not really work. The bravado and boastings about our sexual escapades have never been able to remove the sense of guilt and torment that sire our soul when we are involved in inappropriate sexual relationship.

These feelings of guilt and torment of the soul produces emotional imbalance in the human person. Some of the times, when we are in a situation of emotional imbalance, we usually are not able to put our hands on the matter with us. In a state of emotional imbalance, we make mistakes, we are unhappy and we lose our peace and sometimes sleep. Because of the intrinsic nature of our emotions it is not easy for us to immediately place its influence in our responses and reactions to situations that affect our lives.
Generally, our behaviours change. People around us wonder what is wrong. When we are asked what is wrong, we usually retort that nothing is wrong. This is, however, because we do not really know what is affecting or influencing our conduct and worries.

This is how it is possible for a woman to decipher that her husband is having an affair when she has no evidence to prove anything.

If the situation continues without repentance and totally abandoning the course, it leads to nervous breakdown and usually to a breakdown of the marriage.

When dating is it compulsory to give hugs and kisses?

July 12, 2012

Hugs and kisses are intimate acts of love and affection. They are used to express love and deep affections between people. In some cultures light kisses involving pecks on the cheek and light lips to lips touches are part of the normal way of greeting people especially close associates and family members.

Hugs and kisses are part of the deep expressions of intimacy appropriate only in a marriage relationship. While a hug may easily pass as an innocent act between two people of the opposite sex, a kiss cannot pass the same test.

In a dating relationship, hugs and kisses are not only inappropriate, they are fraught with the danger of leading you on to more acts of intimacy including fornication, also called premarital sex and rape.
Some of the common questions young people ask about hugs and kisses include:

• How would it be possible to know that someone loves you if you cannot hug and kiss him or her?

• What harm is there in an innocent kiss?

• How can an ordinary hug hurt?

It would interest you to know that hugs and kisses no matter how intimate they are or become as the relationship advances, are not proof of anything in connection to love. A kiss is just a kiss. If it is not related to the culturally mandated greeting, then the only place that it is a worthy act is in marriage. Outside marriage, a kiss barefaced immorality and should be seen as such at all times.
There are lots of harm in a kiss. A kiss is not innocent at anytime. It is either a greeting in some cultural setting or an act of intimacy expressing affection that is only appropriate in a marriage relationship. Outside culture and marriage, a kiss is as dangerous to your relationship and sense of self-worth as is premarital sexual intercourse. This is because, that kiss that appeared innocent to you can easily lead to breaking the law of chastity or even date rape. A kiss is always a premeditated act. It is usually thought of in advance of its occurrence.

An ordinary hug can hurt like fire. It can lead straight to unwanted pregnancy, unplanned marriage, date rape, unplanned sexual act. When you hug in an intimate setting, the contact with the body of the opposite sex sets off some brain activities that discharge the feel good chemicals into your blood stream which immediately loosens up your defences.

On close contact with the body of the opposite sex, the nose of a man picks the smell of the female body which has the capacity to communicate excitement to your brain. Normally you want more. You caress, you squeeze harder. The touch of a man to some parts of the body of a woman puts her on fire and weakens her defences and at the same time causes her to respond in ways that encourage the man to go further.

Women naturally do not go out of their way to want to have sex. They are usually tuned in by small and sometimes innocuous acts that mean different things to her from what the man is reading. Date rapes have occurred because the woman only suddenly realized that they have gone too far at the point where the man could not stop himself again.

So, it is not even appropriate to hug and kiss when dating not to talk of such acts being compulsory.

When can a date develop into courtship?

July 12, 2012

A date is someone you are considering for courtship or marriage. The right time for a dating relationship to develop into a courtship relationship is when you have learned about each other enough to feel you know each other well. During this period you must have established the following foundational elements for a joyful relationship:

• You have become friends with one another;

• You now trust him or her totally and to the point of refusing to accept the efforts of outsiders to tear you people apart with a lie;

• Both of you have faith in God who is the author of the marriage institution;

• You have dated virtuously without premarital sexual intercourse;

• You have developed mutual respect for one another – demands for premarital sex is a sign of lack of respect;

• Communication – you have developed easiness in discussing and chatting meaningfully without fits and bursts common in relationships between the sexes;

• You feel and also see that both of you are likely marriage candidates.

Friendship is stronger than love in sustaining a relationship. It is better to be trusted than to be loved. Marriage is an act of faith. That faith must be placed in God our Heavenly Father who is the author of the institution. That way, you can learn and together follow the laws, ordinances and covenants that God himself established for the marriage institution.

Your dating period should be a time to learn self control. You need self control not get involved in premarital sexual intercourse. This skill you can only learn during dating would help you to be considerate of one another during marriage where you would soon find out that sexual intercourse is only about five percent of the whole business.

Mutual respect is one critical make or mar element for marriage and the related relationships of dating and courtship. It needs to be developed at the stage of dating before that relationship should be allowed to develop any further. If mutual respect is not found in a relationship during dating, it is advised that the relationship go no further.

Communication is perhaps the most important thing a dating couple should learn to do together. It is not always easy for the male to hold a meaningful discussion with a female. When not properly managed, the time spent together would be used to feel and imagine the sexual aspects of the relationship and if not careful daters would indulge in premarital sex which scuttles the relationship. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen should learn to talk while with one another. When you establish that both of you can hold meaningful discussion for at least one hour or more seamlessly, then you know that the relationship could advance to the next level.

In the course of your dating relationship and as you pay careful attention to the itemized elements of the foundation for joyful relationships, you may get the feeling that both of you are made for each other.

While dating, if you notice that you have the above situations settled in your heart, then it is time to move from dating to courtship.

One more point is that courtship should not be declared unless both of you are ready for marriage within the next six months or not far away from six months.

Good luck.

The Law Of Attraction In Your Dating And Courtship

October 5, 2011

The law of attraction states that you attract into your life, opportunities and situations that are in harmony with your dominant thoughts.

The law of attraction has been taught, learned, discussed and practiced since the period of the ancient Egyptian mystery schools. It is still as relevant today as it was then. It is both believed and vilified by people as true and as untrue.

One implication of this law is that everything you have or lack in life has been attracted to you by your thoughts. Both from the scriptures and other sources, we learn, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Our personal experiences show for example that each that we are troubled or anxious, the more fearful or evil thoughts that pass through our mind, the more unhappy we become.

This position is weighty in the sense that so many things pass through our mind every moment of the day. Some of them are beautiful thoughts, others are ugly thoughts.

Some are wicked thoughts, fearful thoughts and some of the times, thoughts of courage, thoughts of love and peace.

Another implication of this law is that you can change your present circumstance by changing the way you think. If your dominant thoughts have been thoughts of wickedness and fear, you can change those to thoughts of love and courage.

The law of attraction work in relationships as it does in other situations of life. Dating, courtship and marriage relationships will grow, be stunted, diminish or disintegrate according to the dominant thought of those involved. People in relationships wishes their relationships is flowing, growing and glowing. However, the real result that would be obtained would not be determined by the wishes but by the dominant thought. There is a popular saying in personal development which describes the situation here. It is that while people wish positive, they end up thinking negative.

Many meet a potential date or spouse and the desire for a joyful relationship is aroused. However, fear of losing out sets in. As this fear of losing out dominates your thinking, you create a thought form that is broadcast all over the atmosphere announcing that what you really want is to lose out in this game. As a man thinketh, begins to manifest.

We may blame our relationship woes on the other person or a list of one thousand other reasons or circumstances. The truth is that the result we got is the one we told our mind that we wanted through our thinking. We create what happens to us by the way we think.

How To Use This Law – Analyze your current relationship status or condition and see how it agrees with the way you are thinking. Take credit and responsibility for the result, whether good or bad. Decide what you are going to do about it. Look into your life and ask what is in me that is the root of my current results. Presume as a principle that you are the architect of your own life and destiny. Identify and write what changes you need to make in your thinking for the change or improvement you want in your life. Start thinking along that line.

Learn more at my website:http://www.successpublishers.com.ng and get a free eBook – “Wrong Reasons For Getting Married”.

Good-Things-to-Come

July 17, 2010

Good-Things-to-Come.

How To use The Law of Reciprocity To Grow Your Relationship

July 4, 2010

The Law of Reciprocity is perhaps the most powerful and vital of all human motivators. Your regular use of it will bring you opportunities that you cannot now envision. This principle says, “If you do a duty for someone, that someone, will want to do a duty for you. He or she would want to reciprocate in some way so that he or she does not feel indebted.”

Majority of human beings would naturally like to be fair in their dealings with other people. As soon as someone does something pleasant for a person, that individual feels an obligation to give back, to pay the person back one way or the other.  The immediate result of a favor or benevolence is to unbalance the equation of equality between the giver and the receiver. In consequence, recipients always look for ways to restore equilibrium. They look for a way to return the good deed by doing something good for you also.

Think about the experiences you have had in the past.  When you take a friend out for lunch or other outings and you pay the bill, he or she would like to invite you out the next time. If you host a friend in your home for dinner, he or she will feel obliged to inviting you over at some other time to his or her own home.  Perhaps, you can remember the last time you send or received Christmas or birthday cards.  The overwhelming feeling for all parties is to reciprocate even when you are not all well acquainted with each other.

Many relationship problems emanate from the fact that this law is either not recognized or not practiced.  It is associated to the law of retributive justice or karma as it is known in the esoteric schools.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Imagine how a relationship would flow sweetly and produce fulfillment for all concerned if people would give the love and affection they are expecting from their spouses.  Think about your need for kind words and therefore the need to speak kindly to your partner.  We all wish we are more trusted by our partners, how about trusting our partners and keep it so until we are disappointed.  People in relationships always expect that the other party is friendlier in their attitude towards them.  How about taking deliberate steps to be friendly yourself towards the other party.

The list and opportunities are endless.  The way to go is to ask yourself, what would I have done to me in this relationship? What would I like to get from this relationship?  Then try to do those things you would want done to you and start giving those things you would want to get.  In due course, by the immutable laws of nature, everything you have done and given would be returned to you many fold.

This law is infallible.  Think about those times when you have smiled at a stranger and remember what happened.  They usually always smile back.  You can even experiment on this at home with your spouse or partner.  Alternate between smiling and frowning and see what you get from your wife, children.  If you are in a dating or courtship relationship, try practicing this when you meet for an outing.

And when you are not getting what you want from or in a relationship, why not sit down and review what you are giving or investing. Attitude is important also.  When you do or give, it should be according to the law – unconditionally.  There should be no conditions attached.  You should give because it is the right thing to do.  This should be separated from the ensnaring gifts of men and women in skewed up relationships.  Nevertheless, they still usually lead you to get what you want, though it may be dubious.

When you arrange your life in agreement with the laws of nature or God, you will always be amazed at the rapidity at which good things start to turn out for you.

The Law of Reciprocity in human associations is one of the most potent principles you will ever gain knowledge of.

Francis Nmeribe is a relationship expert and coach.  He can be reached through his website and blog: http://www.successpublishers.com.ng and https://marryright.wordpress.com or email:  nmeribefrancis@gmail.com

How To Prepare Your Children For Life

June 3, 2010

My experience around Africa and in some parts of the world is that nowadays nobody is teaching our children our ways. There are no conscious efforts to have our children get the right type of education that would ensure that they have a chance to survive, not to talk of thriving. We have even lost the only basic element that is part of the colonially bequeathed education – integrity. What we are concerned about today is to get our children to pass examinations and get paper qualification.

For this purpose, parents have bought certificates for their children; they have arranged to have other people write examinations for their children. The latest in vogue now is to arrange and pay money to unscrupulous school teachers and other special classes to arrange for “special centres” for their children to write examinations where answers are written down for them on the board.

The above is the reason we have university graduates who are armed robbers and kidnappers because they cannot afford to survive in the real world as soon as they left schools. In most African cities today, there is no chance of survival for those who had only secondary school education. This is because; they merely got poor reading and writing skills for the period they spent in schools.

To survive in this world today, and this is would be more complex tomorrow, we need life skills education and personal development. While life skills would ensure that we have the capacity to provide service to others and get paid doing so, personal development would ensure that our mind and heart and mental faculties are developed to be able to think and create products, programmes, ideas and services that would enhance the quality of our lives.

What is being advocated here is that from secondary school level or as early as they can handle it, our children should be thought how to produce food, even if you are living in the cities this can still be thought with backyard gardens or hanging plants in baskets and pots right inside your rooms or by the wall. They should be thought how and why to provide service to other people. They should be thought house/home operation skills such as plumbing, electrical wiring and fittings, carpentry and furniture maintenance, decoration, cooking, sanitation, etc. This is one of the major things that differentiate the advanced and advancing societies from us.

They should be prepared to know that from age 12 or as soon as is practicable, they should be start making a living and start saving for their education and other voluntary services or for supporting the family. This is irrespective of the wealth or riches already existing in the family.

They should be taught the importance of reading and writing down their experiences, maintaining journals of all their activities, experiences, feelings, thoughts and events in the life of their family and the community.

They should be taught very early in life to love studying the scriptures and other motivational books so that they can gain wisdom required for relationships, associations, team building, networking etc, required for a wholesome community living in this day and age. The opportunities are limitless.

Money is a critical element in human interaction. Money is used to create wealth. It is surprising that our people spend between 12 and 16 and sometimes 20 years in schools and are not taught a single thing about how to create or accumulate wealth. As a result, our people come into living and do nothing except to “pursue money”. This is the bane of our society today. This is why our children are taking to crime as a sign that they are smart. This is why ‘our leaders’ or those who masquerade as such only loot the treasury. It is all because they never learned how to create or accumulate wealth. They think wealth could be stolen. Being fools, they perish with the money they looted from the public treasury and the treasury of their organizations.

With life skills education and personal development, we would engender an evolutionary trend that would make this world answer the end of its calling and glorify the name of God, our Creator.

People in our own generation and the current generation have lost it. But we can ensure that our children do not lose it also by providing these two types of education for them.

What do you think? Do you have ideas and strategies to achieve this idea?

If you would like to get help in the daunting task of raising your family, we can help you. Success Publishers publishes success strategies on relationships, personal transformation and development and wealth creation.

Building Joyful Marriage Relationships

March 18, 2010

The aim of Marryright blog  is to help those engaging in relationships targeted at marriage to do so in a way that has a chance to guarantee joyful marriage relationship.  As I work on my own marriage relationship with my wife, Ada, I see situations and opportunities that produce or enhance our joys and peace.  One opportunity which has impressed itself on my mind strongly recently is doing physical exercise together with my wife and sometimes, as a family.  I decided to share this on this blog today so that those who are already married could try it to improve their relationship while those who are working at a marriage bound relationship could use it to make sure a degree of success in the growing relationship.

My wife is fond of sports.  In fact, she had a sports career in the Police.  When we married, I told her I wanted her to stay as fit and trim as she is without adding  much weight.  She kept her sports work habit of daily fitness activity.  She soon won me over.  I became a fitness buff myself, exercising regularly and encouraging anybody who would listen to me to do so. I was enthralled by how well and fit and healthy these regular exercises made me feel.  Then I started researching on the subject and discovered a whole new world of wellness and I have since stuck with it.

Right now in our family of five – three children and the two of us – there are five bicycles.  My wife and I do separate and sometimes joint workouts sometimes in the mornings or evenings.  At least once a week, mostly Monday nights after the spiritual side of our Family Home Evening, the family file out to the compound and we either jug or ride our bicycles.

Sometime now, I am beginning to notice that hours and days following each fitness activity for my wife and I or with the family, I feel healthy, clear-headed and more attached and agreeable with my wife.  Sometime ago, there was some friction in our relationship.  This produced about a week of pain for me and am sure for my wife.  Then, we found a way to get back together and we had occasion shortly after that to exercise together.  This couple fitness activities created such a connectedness between us that I discovered anew how much I adored my wife and I was able to tell her so which made her glow.  Disagreements are easily sorted out, I also discovered, during those weeks we were able to get together for fitness activity as a couple or as family.

As we all know, one of the challenges of married couples is being able to sit down together and really talk with each other.  Talking to each other is easily accomplished.  But talking with each other is a harder thing to do.  I discovered that after an hour or even less fitness activity together, we can seat on the floor or ground for another hour or more talking, some of the times, excitedly.  I have equally found out that discussing with our children are made easier after running or cycling together for some time in the evenings.

Some of the time, we have exercised in our bedroom nude.  This has on each occasion produced wonderful moments after the exercises.

Dating and courtship partners can start this fitness activity as part of their dating and courtship activity.  It would not just help you to be healthy, it would build a connectedness that would help you make the decision for each other.  However, do not exercise in the nude in the bedroom with a man or woman who has not been legally and lawfully wedded to you.

I invite married couples to try everything proposed in this article and give me a feedback by commenting on this topic.  Also, if you are already doing this with results that authenticate what I have written here, could you let me know by commenting on this blog.  If you have done this without it impacting positively on your romantic moments, let me also know by a comment on this blog.  Dating and courtship partners, let me know by a comment or two when you add this to your relationship activity and what results you get.

Wishing you Joyful Relationships.

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