Archive for the ‘honour’ Category

Sex and Responsibility 7: Loss of Self-Esteem

November 1, 2012

The two big time thieves of a sense of self-worth in women is premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. The male partners involved with these women even consider their female partners very poorly. The men do not trust these women. They treat these women poorly. These women no matter what they do cannot earn the respect of these men and of other men around who are privy to what is going on. Men also try to buoy up their ego by announcing how and the very women they have had sexual liaison with. And those involved know it and it affects their self-esteem. There is also an unconscious connection to what the women feel about themselves. These women deep inside them feel like trash but they usually cannot place their hands on the cause.

These illicit sexual unions hardly result in marriage. When they result in marriages, it is usually without trust and often abusive. All that premarital and extra marital sexual intercourse bring to the practitioners especially the women are shame and pain of heart. No woman ever glory in the act of premarital and extramarital sex. They, in fact, wish the ground open for them to fall in when they reflect on their condition or have it flash in their inner mind and heart.

More often than not, people think there is much to be gained by premarital and extra material sexual intercourse. They think in terms of the fun and excitement, the material benefits such clothing, shoes, jewelry, money and connections for jobs and other sundry considerations. There is much emphasis in worldliness these days. It is only in worldliness that you can find value for the benefits of inappropriate sexual behaviour. Whatever value we see of the proceeds of immorality pales into worthless trash almost immediately.

People have even hinted and sometimes boasted of how a man they had this illicit sexual intercourse with was responsible for saving their families from poverty by his generosity to all their family members, providing jobs to the women and their siblings. These considerations have been known to avail very little when the impact of the act starts manifesting in the mind and heart and body and the environment of those who are involved in it.

Some of the feelings that those who are involved in unlawful sexual intercourse struggle with, which take away any joys and excitements and the supposed value of any material benefits include:

• Shyness
• Dishonour
• Dependence
• Pain
• Shame
• Scuttled dreams
• Poverty
• Enmity
• The Spirit of God stops striving with the fellow
• Loss of the zeal for living

All these and more combined produce a loss of self-esteem which precludes those involved from enjoying their lives to the fullest possible. These challenges arising from premarital and extra marital sexual activity create stumbling blocks in the lives of the people involved in it.

The loss self-esteem takes away the enthusiasm for life. It affects our thought processes even when we do not see it or accept that it does. By the time the effect starts manifesting, we are already in deep waters and some have ended up as psycho cases which are usually blamed on neighbourhood witches and wizards and envious relatives.

Be wise and avoid any form of premarital and extra marital sexual activity in your life.

When can a date develop into courtship?

July 12, 2012

A date is someone you are considering for courtship or marriage. The right time for a dating relationship to develop into a courtship relationship is when you have learned about each other enough to feel you know each other well. During this period you must have established the following foundational elements for a joyful relationship:

• You have become friends with one another;

• You now trust him or her totally and to the point of refusing to accept the efforts of outsiders to tear you people apart with a lie;

• Both of you have faith in God who is the author of the marriage institution;

• You have dated virtuously without premarital sexual intercourse;

• You have developed mutual respect for one another – demands for premarital sex is a sign of lack of respect;

• Communication – you have developed easiness in discussing and chatting meaningfully without fits and bursts common in relationships between the sexes;

• You feel and also see that both of you are likely marriage candidates.

Friendship is stronger than love in sustaining a relationship. It is better to be trusted than to be loved. Marriage is an act of faith. That faith must be placed in God our Heavenly Father who is the author of the institution. That way, you can learn and together follow the laws, ordinances and covenants that God himself established for the marriage institution.

Your dating period should be a time to learn self control. You need self control not get involved in premarital sexual intercourse. This skill you can only learn during dating would help you to be considerate of one another during marriage where you would soon find out that sexual intercourse is only about five percent of the whole business.

Mutual respect is one critical make or mar element for marriage and the related relationships of dating and courtship. It needs to be developed at the stage of dating before that relationship should be allowed to develop any further. If mutual respect is not found in a relationship during dating, it is advised that the relationship go no further.

Communication is perhaps the most important thing a dating couple should learn to do together. It is not always easy for the male to hold a meaningful discussion with a female. When not properly managed, the time spent together would be used to feel and imagine the sexual aspects of the relationship and if not careful daters would indulge in premarital sex which scuttles the relationship. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen should learn to talk while with one another. When you establish that both of you can hold meaningful discussion for at least one hour or more seamlessly, then you know that the relationship could advance to the next level.

In the course of your dating relationship and as you pay careful attention to the itemized elements of the foundation for joyful relationships, you may get the feeling that both of you are made for each other.

While dating, if you notice that you have the above situations settled in your heart, then it is time to move from dating to courtship.

One more point is that courtship should not be declared unless both of you are ready for marriage within the next six months or not far away from six months.

Good luck.

The Law Of Attraction In Your Dating And Courtship

October 5, 2011

The law of attraction states that you attract into your life, opportunities and situations that are in harmony with your dominant thoughts.

The law of attraction has been taught, learned, discussed and practiced since the period of the ancient Egyptian mystery schools. It is still as relevant today as it was then. It is both believed and vilified by people as true and as untrue.

One implication of this law is that everything you have or lack in life has been attracted to you by your thoughts. Both from the scriptures and other sources, we learn, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Our personal experiences show for example that each that we are troubled or anxious, the more fearful or evil thoughts that pass through our mind, the more unhappy we become.

This position is weighty in the sense that so many things pass through our mind every moment of the day. Some of them are beautiful thoughts, others are ugly thoughts.

Some are wicked thoughts, fearful thoughts and some of the times, thoughts of courage, thoughts of love and peace.

Another implication of this law is that you can change your present circumstance by changing the way you think. If your dominant thoughts have been thoughts of wickedness and fear, you can change those to thoughts of love and courage.

The law of attraction work in relationships as it does in other situations of life. Dating, courtship and marriage relationships will grow, be stunted, diminish or disintegrate according to the dominant thought of those involved. People in relationships wishes their relationships is flowing, growing and glowing. However, the real result that would be obtained would not be determined by the wishes but by the dominant thought. There is a popular saying in personal development which describes the situation here. It is that while people wish positive, they end up thinking negative.

Many meet a potential date or spouse and the desire for a joyful relationship is aroused. However, fear of losing out sets in. As this fear of losing out dominates your thinking, you create a thought form that is broadcast all over the atmosphere announcing that what you really want is to lose out in this game. As a man thinketh, begins to manifest.

We may blame our relationship woes on the other person or a list of one thousand other reasons or circumstances. The truth is that the result we got is the one we told our mind that we wanted through our thinking. We create what happens to us by the way we think.

How To Use This Law – Analyze your current relationship status or condition and see how it agrees with the way you are thinking. Take credit and responsibility for the result, whether good or bad. Decide what you are going to do about it. Look into your life and ask what is in me that is the root of my current results. Presume as a principle that you are the architect of your own life and destiny. Identify and write what changes you need to make in your thinking for the change or improvement you want in your life. Start thinking along that line.

Learn more at my website:http://www.successpublishers.com.ng and get a free eBook – “Wrong Reasons For Getting Married”.

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