Archive for the ‘mutual respect’ Category

When dating is it compulsory to give hugs and kisses?

July 12, 2012

Hugs and kisses are intimate acts of love and affection. They are used to express love and deep affections between people. In some cultures light kisses involving pecks on the cheek and light lips to lips touches are part of the normal way of greeting people especially close associates and family members.

Hugs and kisses are part of the deep expressions of intimacy appropriate only in a marriage relationship. While a hug may easily pass as an innocent act between two people of the opposite sex, a kiss cannot pass the same test.

In a dating relationship, hugs and kisses are not only inappropriate, they are fraught with the danger of leading you on to more acts of intimacy including fornication, also called premarital sex and rape.
Some of the common questions young people ask about hugs and kisses include:

• How would it be possible to know that someone loves you if you cannot hug and kiss him or her?

• What harm is there in an innocent kiss?

• How can an ordinary hug hurt?

It would interest you to know that hugs and kisses no matter how intimate they are or become as the relationship advances, are not proof of anything in connection to love. A kiss is just a kiss. If it is not related to the culturally mandated greeting, then the only place that it is a worthy act is in marriage. Outside marriage, a kiss barefaced immorality and should be seen as such at all times.
There are lots of harm in a kiss. A kiss is not innocent at anytime. It is either a greeting in some cultural setting or an act of intimacy expressing affection that is only appropriate in a marriage relationship. Outside culture and marriage, a kiss is as dangerous to your relationship and sense of self-worth as is premarital sexual intercourse. This is because, that kiss that appeared innocent to you can easily lead to breaking the law of chastity or even date rape. A kiss is always a premeditated act. It is usually thought of in advance of its occurrence.

An ordinary hug can hurt like fire. It can lead straight to unwanted pregnancy, unplanned marriage, date rape, unplanned sexual act. When you hug in an intimate setting, the contact with the body of the opposite sex sets off some brain activities that discharge the feel good chemicals into your blood stream which immediately loosens up your defences.

On close contact with the body of the opposite sex, the nose of a man picks the smell of the female body which has the capacity to communicate excitement to your brain. Normally you want more. You caress, you squeeze harder. The touch of a man to some parts of the body of a woman puts her on fire and weakens her defences and at the same time causes her to respond in ways that encourage the man to go further.

Women naturally do not go out of their way to want to have sex. They are usually tuned in by small and sometimes innocuous acts that mean different things to her from what the man is reading. Date rapes have occurred because the woman only suddenly realized that they have gone too far at the point where the man could not stop himself again.

So, it is not even appropriate to hug and kiss when dating not to talk of such acts being compulsory.

When can a date develop into courtship?

July 12, 2012

A date is someone you are considering for courtship or marriage. The right time for a dating relationship to develop into a courtship relationship is when you have learned about each other enough to feel you know each other well. During this period you must have established the following foundational elements for a joyful relationship:

• You have become friends with one another;

• You now trust him or her totally and to the point of refusing to accept the efforts of outsiders to tear you people apart with a lie;

• Both of you have faith in God who is the author of the marriage institution;

• You have dated virtuously without premarital sexual intercourse;

• You have developed mutual respect for one another – demands for premarital sex is a sign of lack of respect;

• Communication – you have developed easiness in discussing and chatting meaningfully without fits and bursts common in relationships between the sexes;

• You feel and also see that both of you are likely marriage candidates.

Friendship is stronger than love in sustaining a relationship. It is better to be trusted than to be loved. Marriage is an act of faith. That faith must be placed in God our Heavenly Father who is the author of the institution. That way, you can learn and together follow the laws, ordinances and covenants that God himself established for the marriage institution.

Your dating period should be a time to learn self control. You need self control not get involved in premarital sexual intercourse. This skill you can only learn during dating would help you to be considerate of one another during marriage where you would soon find out that sexual intercourse is only about five percent of the whole business.

Mutual respect is one critical make or mar element for marriage and the related relationships of dating and courtship. It needs to be developed at the stage of dating before that relationship should be allowed to develop any further. If mutual respect is not found in a relationship during dating, it is advised that the relationship go no further.

Communication is perhaps the most important thing a dating couple should learn to do together. It is not always easy for the male to hold a meaningful discussion with a female. When not properly managed, the time spent together would be used to feel and imagine the sexual aspects of the relationship and if not careful daters would indulge in premarital sex which scuttles the relationship. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen should learn to talk while with one another. When you establish that both of you can hold meaningful discussion for at least one hour or more seamlessly, then you know that the relationship could advance to the next level.

In the course of your dating relationship and as you pay careful attention to the itemized elements of the foundation for joyful relationships, you may get the feeling that both of you are made for each other.

While dating, if you notice that you have the above situations settled in your heart, then it is time to move from dating to courtship.

One more point is that courtship should not be declared unless both of you are ready for marriage within the next six months or not far away from six months.

Good luck.

The Law Of Attraction In Your Dating And Courtship

October 5, 2011

The law of attraction states that you attract into your life, opportunities and situations that are in harmony with your dominant thoughts.

The law of attraction has been taught, learned, discussed and practiced since the period of the ancient Egyptian mystery schools. It is still as relevant today as it was then. It is both believed and vilified by people as true and as untrue.

One implication of this law is that everything you have or lack in life has been attracted to you by your thoughts. Both from the scriptures and other sources, we learn, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Our personal experiences show for example that each that we are troubled or anxious, the more fearful or evil thoughts that pass through our mind, the more unhappy we become.

This position is weighty in the sense that so many things pass through our mind every moment of the day. Some of them are beautiful thoughts, others are ugly thoughts.

Some are wicked thoughts, fearful thoughts and some of the times, thoughts of courage, thoughts of love and peace.

Another implication of this law is that you can change your present circumstance by changing the way you think. If your dominant thoughts have been thoughts of wickedness and fear, you can change those to thoughts of love and courage.

The law of attraction work in relationships as it does in other situations of life. Dating, courtship and marriage relationships will grow, be stunted, diminish or disintegrate according to the dominant thought of those involved. People in relationships wishes their relationships is flowing, growing and glowing. However, the real result that would be obtained would not be determined by the wishes but by the dominant thought. There is a popular saying in personal development which describes the situation here. It is that while people wish positive, they end up thinking negative.

Many meet a potential date or spouse and the desire for a joyful relationship is aroused. However, fear of losing out sets in. As this fear of losing out dominates your thinking, you create a thought form that is broadcast all over the atmosphere announcing that what you really want is to lose out in this game. As a man thinketh, begins to manifest.

We may blame our relationship woes on the other person or a list of one thousand other reasons or circumstances. The truth is that the result we got is the one we told our mind that we wanted through our thinking. We create what happens to us by the way we think.

How To Use This Law – Analyze your current relationship status or condition and see how it agrees with the way you are thinking. Take credit and responsibility for the result, whether good or bad. Decide what you are going to do about it. Look into your life and ask what is in me that is the root of my current results. Presume as a principle that you are the architect of your own life and destiny. Identify and write what changes you need to make in your thinking for the change or improvement you want in your life. Start thinking along that line.

Learn more at my website:http://www.successpublishers.com.ng and get a free eBook – “Wrong Reasons For Getting Married”.

How To use The Law of Reciprocity To Grow Your Relationship

July 4, 2010

The Law of Reciprocity is perhaps the most powerful and vital of all human motivators. Your regular use of it will bring you opportunities that you cannot now envision. This principle says, “If you do a duty for someone, that someone, will want to do a duty for you. He or she would want to reciprocate in some way so that he or she does not feel indebted.”

Majority of human beings would naturally like to be fair in their dealings with other people. As soon as someone does something pleasant for a person, that individual feels an obligation to give back, to pay the person back one way or the other.  The immediate result of a favor or benevolence is to unbalance the equation of equality between the giver and the receiver. In consequence, recipients always look for ways to restore equilibrium. They look for a way to return the good deed by doing something good for you also.

Think about the experiences you have had in the past.  When you take a friend out for lunch or other outings and you pay the bill, he or she would like to invite you out the next time. If you host a friend in your home for dinner, he or she will feel obliged to inviting you over at some other time to his or her own home.  Perhaps, you can remember the last time you send or received Christmas or birthday cards.  The overwhelming feeling for all parties is to reciprocate even when you are not all well acquainted with each other.

Many relationship problems emanate from the fact that this law is either not recognized or not practiced.  It is associated to the law of retributive justice or karma as it is known in the esoteric schools.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Imagine how a relationship would flow sweetly and produce fulfillment for all concerned if people would give the love and affection they are expecting from their spouses.  Think about your need for kind words and therefore the need to speak kindly to your partner.  We all wish we are more trusted by our partners, how about trusting our partners and keep it so until we are disappointed.  People in relationships always expect that the other party is friendlier in their attitude towards them.  How about taking deliberate steps to be friendly yourself towards the other party.

The list and opportunities are endless.  The way to go is to ask yourself, what would I have done to me in this relationship? What would I like to get from this relationship?  Then try to do those things you would want done to you and start giving those things you would want to get.  In due course, by the immutable laws of nature, everything you have done and given would be returned to you many fold.

This law is infallible.  Think about those times when you have smiled at a stranger and remember what happened.  They usually always smile back.  You can even experiment on this at home with your spouse or partner.  Alternate between smiling and frowning and see what you get from your wife, children.  If you are in a dating or courtship relationship, try practicing this when you meet for an outing.

And when you are not getting what you want from or in a relationship, why not sit down and review what you are giving or investing. Attitude is important also.  When you do or give, it should be according to the law – unconditionally.  There should be no conditions attached.  You should give because it is the right thing to do.  This should be separated from the ensnaring gifts of men and women in skewed up relationships.  Nevertheless, they still usually lead you to get what you want, though it may be dubious.

When you arrange your life in agreement with the laws of nature or God, you will always be amazed at the rapidity at which good things start to turn out for you.

The Law of Reciprocity in human associations is one of the most potent principles you will ever gain knowledge of.

Francis Nmeribe is a relationship expert and coach.  He can be reached through his website and blog: http://www.successpublishers.com.ng and https://marryright.wordpress.com or email:  nmeribefrancis@gmail.com

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