Archive for the ‘virtue’ Category

Sex And Responsibility 5: Emotional Imbalance

October 8, 2012

Exciting sexual intercourse is 99% fantasy. Even the daydream is over most times before it ever started. The practitioners are left with more confusion than satisfaction. This is why you have people with insatiable sexual behaviour. The truth is that there would never be sexual satisfaction for anybody.

It involves a lot of work to get sex. This is even so among animals. Where the sexual organs are placed in the human and animal bodies suggests some sacredness and secrecy. It takes a lot of physical and emotional demands to get there for both men and women respectively.

For the men, sexual intercourse is much of a physical thing. For the women, it is much of an emotional thing. Women have a connection to sexual intercourse that is intrinsic. Women do sex with their soul – their being – you can say with their mind, body and heart. Conversely, men do sex with their body only. Sexual intercourse is simply organic to men while it is soulful for women. This is why – without being commercial sex workers – a man could have sexual intercourse with two or more women at once and feel normal. The same act of having sexual intercourse with more than one person at once produces seriously traumatizing experience for women.

Even when they have sexual intercourse with one person who they even claim to love or desire outside marriage, the women are not at peace. Those who hear confessions would tell you that women are the ones that usually come forward to confess sexual sins. The men are usually dragged out to confess because the women with whom they are involved have come forward and confessed to the authorities and have mentioned the men.

In sexual intercourse, women seek connection to a better half while men sick expression of their manliness. Sexual intercourse never means the same thing for men and women. For men it is more of sport where they try to show prowess. For women, it is a different kettle of fish. Women invest their body, mind and heart or in other words, their soul into a sexual act. Research has show that even women commercial sex workers are traumatized by their own sex life more than the stigma of being a commercial sex worker does. Some reported of getting ‘a wasting feeling’ – as if their essence is being rubbed or scraped off their bodies and washed away in a drain. They feel an indescribable imbalance in their being that torments.

For other women of lose moral who are not residing in brothels, they are so distraught, they, without wisdom of what is happening, imagine that getting more sexual partners, acquiring more stuff – material gains such cash in the bank, cars, property, clothing and other apparels – could quench their propensity. All those involved know that it doesn’t. The truth is that those involved are in a state of emotional imbalance.

Regardless of the bravado of men and the physical nature of their sex life, premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse create serious emotional imbalance in them as is the case in women. It is this emotional imbalance that make it possible for a woman not having any knowledge of fact about her husband’s extramarital sexual life could be aware of the fact that her husband is cheating on her. In my marriage coaching and counselling experience, many women have confessed having so strong feelings about their husband’s escapades. They feel oppressed when there is no visible oppressor. They have felt distrustful of their husbands regardless of the man’s effort to make them feel otherwise. These feelings have usually led to crisis that finally exposes the fact that the man have been cheating.
Now, the problem here is that regardless of the permissiveness of our times, the media hype about sexual licence and even the claims by some esoteric schools that sexual intercourse between two consenting adults is alright, experience has shown that the human person is in a sticky situation with every premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. Many people put up all sorts of logics and excuses for getting involved in illicit sexual intercourse. Some even work hard to drown their act with alcohol. But we all know that it does not really work. The bravado and boastings about our sexual escapades have never been able to remove the sense of guilt and torment that sire our soul when we are involved in inappropriate sexual relationship.

These feelings of guilt and torment of the soul produces emotional imbalance in the human person. Some of the times, when we are in a situation of emotional imbalance, we usually are not able to put our hands on the matter with us. In a state of emotional imbalance, we make mistakes, we are unhappy and we lose our peace and sometimes sleep. Because of the intrinsic nature of our emotions it is not easy for us to immediately place its influence in our responses and reactions to situations that affect our lives.
Generally, our behaviours change. People around us wonder what is wrong. When we are asked what is wrong, we usually retort that nothing is wrong. This is, however, because we do not really know what is affecting or influencing our conduct and worries.

This is how it is possible for a woman to decipher that her husband is having an affair when she has no evidence to prove anything.

If the situation continues without repentance and totally abandoning the course, it leads to nervous breakdown and usually to a breakdown of the marriage.

When can a date develop into courtship?

July 12, 2012

A date is someone you are considering for courtship or marriage. The right time for a dating relationship to develop into a courtship relationship is when you have learned about each other enough to feel you know each other well. During this period you must have established the following foundational elements for a joyful relationship:

• You have become friends with one another;

• You now trust him or her totally and to the point of refusing to accept the efforts of outsiders to tear you people apart with a lie;

• Both of you have faith in God who is the author of the marriage institution;

• You have dated virtuously without premarital sexual intercourse;

• You have developed mutual respect for one another – demands for premarital sex is a sign of lack of respect;

• Communication – you have developed easiness in discussing and chatting meaningfully without fits and bursts common in relationships between the sexes;

• You feel and also see that both of you are likely marriage candidates.

Friendship is stronger than love in sustaining a relationship. It is better to be trusted than to be loved. Marriage is an act of faith. That faith must be placed in God our Heavenly Father who is the author of the institution. That way, you can learn and together follow the laws, ordinances and covenants that God himself established for the marriage institution.

Your dating period should be a time to learn self control. You need self control not get involved in premarital sexual intercourse. This skill you can only learn during dating would help you to be considerate of one another during marriage where you would soon find out that sexual intercourse is only about five percent of the whole business.

Mutual respect is one critical make or mar element for marriage and the related relationships of dating and courtship. It needs to be developed at the stage of dating before that relationship should be allowed to develop any further. If mutual respect is not found in a relationship during dating, it is advised that the relationship go no further.

Communication is perhaps the most important thing a dating couple should learn to do together. It is not always easy for the male to hold a meaningful discussion with a female. When not properly managed, the time spent together would be used to feel and imagine the sexual aspects of the relationship and if not careful daters would indulge in premarital sex which scuttles the relationship. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen should learn to talk while with one another. When you establish that both of you can hold meaningful discussion for at least one hour or more seamlessly, then you know that the relationship could advance to the next level.

In the course of your dating relationship and as you pay careful attention to the itemized elements of the foundation for joyful relationships, you may get the feeling that both of you are made for each other.

While dating, if you notice that you have the above situations settled in your heart, then it is time to move from dating to courtship.

One more point is that courtship should not be declared unless both of you are ready for marriage within the next six months or not far away from six months.

Good luck.

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