Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Sex and Responsibility 9: Dependency

November 29, 2012

Sexual intercourse creates a dependency syndrome on those involved in it especially women. The companionship of men and women is a very good thing. But the dependence of one on the other for how to live one’s life even in marriage is wrong. One of the key elements of the Foundation for Joyful Relationships is independence. Partnerships are made stronger if both partners have a life of their own which they are offering to the relationship. This is why the education of women is considered the most important education any nation can provide for the good of the society.

Every party to any form of relationship be it business, social, religious, dating and marital should be independent of each other to be able to find joy, peace and happiness in that relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that some readers of this script are already querying how a husband and wife should not be dependent on each other. Well, if you are asking, be patient and read on for you would find the answers.

Some synonyms of dependency are addiction, craving, enslavement and reliance. These are no doubt, obviously negative words. They simply denote that anybody afflicted with the attitude of dependency is suffering some addiction, is in slavery or have a craving and we all know that cravings are used to refer to inappropriate desires or wants. We have learned from experience that we cannot rely on the arm of flesh for our economic, social and spiritual security. Each person must be worthy to enter the kingdom of God on their own capacity and of and by themselves. No father, mother, husband, wife or whosoever can do it for any other.

One of the reasons we enter into a relationship with people is so we can fulfill the main purpose of our life which is to learn to be happy. We need to realize that relationships as a path to happiness is just a path. It is not the only path. The studies of happiness have also revealed that no one can make you happy. Happiness has been found to be a choice which an individual has to make and cannot be dependent on any other person outside of oneself. If you understand happiness as an individual choice, then you can understand the assertion that all parties to a relationship should be independent for them to hope to achieve the corporate happiness that is possible in the relationship. It simply means that your dependence on a husband or wife or any relationship partner for your happiness is misplaced hope that is bound to harm us ultimately.

Sexual intercourse is a major harbinger of dependency. This is regardless of whether the sexual intercourse is obtained in holy matrimony or in illicit sexual activity.

Perhaps if one is enslaved to a legally and lawfully wedded spouse, it may be pardonable. It is an unpardonable self-inflicted addiction and enslavement to be involved premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse produces a sense of entitlement, especially in a woman. The moment a man starts asking a woman for sexual intercourse, most women erroneously feel that that is a sign that the man needs them. Men do not set out in need of women in their natural state. They set out to get sex.

Sexual relationship for a woman naturally – with the exception of professional prostitutes – is done with her whole being – mind, body, heart and soul. Men see and do sexual intercourse with only their mind. Sex is strictly a mental activity for a man. A man can get sex with as many women as his mind can imagine and fantasize on the pleasure of it. This is why women end up with the dependency syndrome when they start having sexual intercourse with a man. And this is why they are usually the worst hit when the relationship breaks down. They lose everything – mind, body, heart and soul – which they had put in.
Even the women we see as wayward or in prostitution regardless of their class – whether big time city girls or the hotel based prostitute or the neighbourhood generous sex-giver – are merely reacting to the bad deals they had in the hands of the men they had depended on who have abandoned them for sexual intercourse with other women.

We all know that a sense of entitlement is a dangerous attitude that always ends in sorrow and shame and this is regardless of whether it is the man or woman that feels entitled to something or somebody’s time and resources.

The lowest form of life is not the life of poor people. The lowest form of life is the life of any man or woman, no matter their education and status that depends on somebody or something be that a husband, money, property or car for their happiness.

Sex and Responsibility 8: Shyness

November 29, 2012

One of the major challenges that face youth age girls is the emergence of their sexuality attributes. This is evidenced by sprouting breasts, pubic and armpit hairs, expanding hips, onset of menstrual flow, etc. Every girl have welcomed these developments with trepidation and where not assisted by kind and attentive parents, especially mothers, that fact alone induces a state of timidity, nervousness and introversion in her.

The preteen and later teenage boys are not spared. The penis and scrotum enlarges, becoming more sensitive to touch or brushing by other parts of the body or tight clothes also introduces the same sensation of shyness in him.

All these weird experiences produce the negative character trait of shyness and some attendant anti-social behaviour that lead the teenage boys and girls to develop poorly. They face the challenge of not being able to fit in the same garb as their peers.

The key for saving these groups is education and support from parents who understand and can lovingly teach the purpose of these growths and developments.

As a girl battles with this emotional turmoil, it is almost as if one is nailing her to a cross when you introduce her to sexual intercourse outside the bounds of legal and lawful matrimony. It would be some wisdom if the men who lure little girls into illicit sexual intercourse could consider that they are destroying the sense of self-worth and confidence of such a girl.

Even when living conditions, poverty or even environmental factors lure a girl into early sexual relationships by her own free will and choice, she loses her honour and sense of worth. She is enveloped by the negative trait of shyness. Most of the girls take to self-destruct habits such as smoking, drinking and other depravities that nail her to perpetual poverty for herself and her offspring which are usually begotten of out of wedlock.

Intrinsically, all out of wedlock sexual intercourse and most especially teenage sexual involvement are clear to those involved as evil or at least a wrong doing. Even when they make strenuous effort to deny it, in those moments of truth when the party is over and all other actors have gone home or to different places, it dawns on all those involved that what they have done is wrong. They are racked emotionally. Sometimes, they understand what is happening to them. Most times, they don’t understand what is tormenting their lives and leading them to the dangerous habits of drinking and smoking and the attendant ill-health condition.

At other times, they battle with the “everybody is doing it” attitude which struggles to justify the act. The justification battle has been known to do more harm than good for them.

Most of the teenage girls grow into angry women who some of the times end up as street women. Their attitude to society is that of enemies – we and them. They see the rest of the society in the light of the man who in his wickedness introduced them to illicit sexual intercourse, or raped them or probably made them pregnant and abandoned them to fend for themselves and their child or even procure illegal abortions that lead to permanent ill-health, childlessness and other harrowing social experiences for them.

In other words, the impact of shyness rooted into sexual activity, especially by teenage girls and even other unmarried persons is very destructive to the individual and to the society at large.
In consequence, anybody engaging in premarital sexual intercourse should consider the ramifications and stop right there. Spare the girl and spare the world of another anguished woman who would start life shying and whose anger might lead to disease spread, deaths and multiplicity of sorrow and pain.

Sex and Responsibility 6: Sorrow

October 8, 2012

Joy which also means happiness, delight and pleasure is one of the principal pursuits of man.
Many a man and woman seeking for pleasure have docked at the bay of sexual intercourse as a source for the pleasure they seek. For a thousand cases of such men and women who arrived at the bay of sexual intercourse in their pursuit of pleasure, it has been one thousand cases of grief, mourning, sadness, distress, regret, trouble and unhappiness which mean sorrow.

Sorrow is one of the key worries we should all factor when we think about pleasure from sexual intercourse. The transient nature of pleasure from sexual intercourse has been measured and known to have lasted at the best for about an hour and mostly less than that. There is a popular saying connected with sexual intercourse especially where it concerns premarital and extramarital sex that says for five minutes of pleasure, people end up in a lifetime of sorrow and pain.

There are many reasons people get sorrow from sexual intercourse in place of the pleasure or other things they seek. The reasons include but not limited to the following:

• Unmet Expectation – As indicated earlier, many erroneously believe that sexual intercourse is a reliable source of pleasure. Experience has shown that is far from the truth. All the pleasure that can be derived from sexual intercourse is so flitting that before you could finish spelling Jack Robinson, all the ability of sexual intercourse to give you pleasure has been finished and you are already beginning to ask for more. Many also fantasize such great sexual intercourse experiences before they have the opportunity to reach it. Experience has proven that nothing can be more a mirage than getting great sex. A great sex can come after years of practicing and experiencing sexual intercourse with a spouse. Those engaged in premarital and extramarital sex hardly have the time and space needed to get a great sex. So unmet expectations is one of the major sources of sorrow that should be considered when thinking sexual intercourse.

• Giving and obtaining sexual intercourse for the wrong reasons – Sexual intercourse has a purpose. There is a primary and a secondary purpose for sexual intercourse. The primary purpose is procreation – the reproduction of offspring for the specie. It is the same purpose for animals as it is for human beings. The secondary purpose is to produce relief from stress and bonding for parents of the offspring. Because of the nature of childbirth and rearing both in human and animal beings, there is need for two people to bond together to provide a culture, vision and purpose for the emerging generation. Sexual intercourse helps to achieve these purposes. Outside these purposes, sexual intercourse is a worthless hassle and is actually expensive in time, resources and emotional balance of the specie. When women give sexual intercourse for purposes outside the two above, they shortchange themselves and they quickly see that they have made a mistake. The same with men who seek sexual intercourse for reasons outside procreation and bonding purposes with a spouse. What naturally follows is regret or sorrow. In most cases, the women find out that the money and materials they got have not really compensated for what they have lost in the process of premarital or extramarital sex. They are quick to find out that sexual intercourse is not really able to persuade the man to propose marriage. Instead, the men would be demanding more and more free booty. Why pay for what you can have for free is the philosophical quiz of the men considering that the only worthwhile payment for sexual intercourse with any man is marriage.

• The wrong and evil nature of premarital and extramarital sex – That premarital and extramarital sex is wrong and evil is not going to be erased by media hype in favour of permissiveness and perversion of our times. The nature of premarital and extramarital sex would not be changed by the fact that it has acquired great notoriety among the so-called modern society. The truth is that intrinsically, men and women know about the wrong and evil nature of premarital and extramarital sexual intercourse so they regret while and after doing it. Even when they put up a public face of all is well; they feel the sorrow and pain of it in their private hours. As the trauma producing effects of these evil and wrong acts distil on the soul of the men and women who do it, they sometime confide in people or bemoan and mourn.

• Unwanted pregnancy – This is one of the major subtopics of this project. It is, however, apt to revisit it here because of its contributory factor in the destruction of the objective of those who seek sexual intercourse for pleasure. Whatever joy they may ever attain from sexual intercourse is not just erased by unwanted pregnancy, it adds to the lifelong sorrow and sometimes, the eternal damnation of the people involved.

• Abortion and the attendant consequences of death, barrenness and sickness – This like unto unwanted pregnancy and also a derivation of the same. Now, our pleasure seekers who anchored at the wrong bay of sexual intercourse wakes some weeks later to find that one of them is now pregnant with an offspring nobody wants. As the saying goes, one sin leads to another; they quickly contemplate abortion or are advised to do so by some bystander counselors, usually peers. Many have obtained their abortions in the hands of quacks leading to death, destruction of the woman’s womb so she could not ever conceive a child again. Some have been infected or have had incomplete removal leading to major sicknesses that render the woman’s life miserable throughout the rest of her days. In spite of the above consequences, there is an emotional trauma connected to abortion. Those who have gone through the process who later talked about their experiences would tell you that nothing have been more agonizing in their lives than the awful and terrible feeling that they had done something terribly wrong. They also feel worthless and wasted from inside. This is the real meaning of sorrow.

Sex And Responsibility 4: Diseases

September 14, 2012

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Your Dependable Relationship Coach

Perhaps the most negatively challenging responsibility of sexual intercourse is disease.  Sexually transmitted diseases and infections are rampant these days.  Strains of sexually transmitted diseases and infections that are drug resistant and incurable are emerging. 

In addition, there is the human immune system destroying virus which causes the acquired immune deficiency syndrome (HIV/AIDS).  The acquired immune deficiency syndrome is a terminal disease.  It is, so far, incurable.  Since the emergence of AIDS in the early 1980s, the transmission and resultant deaths have been increasing.  Many new terminologies arising from the prevalence of AIDS disease are now common place.  We hear such things as people living with HIV, AIDs orphans, mother to child transmission, etc.

STDs and STIs and the dreadful HIV and AIDS are not just diseases of stigma; they are diseases of shame, pain and death. They cause impotence in men and barrenness in women.  The pain, sorrow and anguish resulting from contacting any of these sexual intercourse bound diseases are best imagined.  Those who have contacted any or several of these diseases can inform you that there is no trauma more challenging.

Among the common and sometimes terminal diseases associated with sexual intercourse include but not limited to:

  • Gonorrhea
  • Herpes
  • Syphilis
  • Staphylococcus
  • HIV and AIDS

All of these diseases are not just embarrassing to have, they are painful and deadly.  They all have different variants and strains.  Some of the strains are more deadly than the others.

The stigma associated with having venereal or sexually transmitted diseases make sufferers to hide their condition.  They avoid obtaining appropriate medical attention for fear that people would know what they are going through.  This has wrecked many marriages as the man or woman tries to hide the condition from their spouses and doctors.  People are wont to hide condition from their doctor because a good medical practitioner would insist on having the two partners treated.  The medical policy on venereal diseases is to treat a cluster of at least four sex partners.  This indicates that the person sick of sexually transmitted diseases might have been having sexual intercourse with at least three other men or women and the doctors would insist on bringing everybody in for treatment.  When sufferers are told about this policy, they run and hide and refuse to surface. A prolonged case of ordinary gonorrhea causes impotence and barrenness.  There are at present several drug resistant strains of gonorrhea. 

Traumas in childless marriages are such that it is much wiser to consider the disease responsibility factor when faced with the choice to get involved in premarital sexual intercourse. 

Consider the blessing of a couple who both came pure to their marriage and are able to live without sexually transmitted infections to hide and to suffer the shame that comes with it.

But because they are avoidable, it makes a lot sense that we consider them when we are thinking of or are under pressure for sexual intercourse.

Sex And Responsibility 3: Unplanned Marriage

July 26, 2012

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Francis Nmeribe, Author and Coach

One of the most challenging experiences of life is to have to be forced into marriage.  Some people are married under circumstances beyond their control.  One of the most causative agents of unplanned marriage is premarital or even extra-marital sexual intercourse.  It is the most woeful condition to be married outside one’s control.  But the truth is that there are lots of these kinds of marriages these days occasioned by improper sexual behaviour.

Sexual intercourse carries with it a responsibility any day and any time and at any place it is prosecuted.  One of such responsibilities of sexual intercourse outside the bounds of legal and lawful wedlock is unplanned marriage.

The problem of unplanned marriage is not diminished by the biological age of those involved.  This is because there are apart from physical maturity for marriage; there are also mental, emotional, spiritual and mindset preparation for marriage.  Getting married is a decision a person need to make consciously.  The fact that a man or woman made decision to get married whether early in life or later makes a difference in relation to what he or she brings to bear on the success of the marriage relationship.

Marriage on its own is a challenging experience even when it is well planned in advance.  The life experiences of those involved in a marriage relationship does not remove these challenges.  When marriage is entered into without the requisite mental, spiritual, emotional and mindset preparation and without a previous decision to get married, it produces sorrow and pain for all those involved. Here is some itemized list of issues with unplanned marriage:

  • Blames in place of empathy – Marriages whether planned or unplanned always have issues.  When it is unplanned, the parties involved instead of showing understanding when issues arise blame each other, the pregnancy, baby or others who are instrumental for making the marriage happen.  They end up blaming others but themselves. They forget that they are the ones that got involved in the sexual intercourse that precipitated the unplanned marriage in the first place.  The ability to empathize or show understanding is a requirement for the survival and thriving of the best of marriages not to talk of an unplanned one. An unplanned marriage would normally always result in an unhappy marriage.
  • Career disruption– When marriage comes into one’s life as an interference instead of as a planned act, the career path of both or one of the partners is disrupted.  The result is that marriage that should come into one’s life as an achievement to be proud of is now an act of shame and regret.  None of us want to regret our actions, right?
  • Social stigma – A marriage that is unplanned is usually widely known within the community and environs regardless of efforts to keep it secret. It raises questions as to the moral strength of the parties.  The parties in an unplanned marriage are usually stigmatized even when they are not the most morally lose couple around.
  • Abuse and Violence and Crime – When the normal pressures of married life present themselves to the unprepared couple, they usually react by lashing out at each other.  Verbal abuse leading to and/or violence on the spouse are some of the common consequences.  In many instances, this has led to crime of brutality and murder.  Some of these situations are even too tasking to those who prepared and made a decision to marry.  When it happens to this unprepared couple, the fallout is usually disastrous.
  • Unhappy marriage – Unplanned marriages raises questions about social, mental, spiritual, mindset preparation questions.  Because those involved have not prepared along these lines, marriage challenges make life unbearable for them.  They quarrel and are reactive to each other’s foibles instead of responding to such with maturity.  The result is that the couple would be unhappy for the period of their married life.  No hell is worse than an unhappy marriage.  The toll on both parties include early death, ill health conditions leading to such debilitating diseases as high blood pressure, hypertension, stroke, heart attack and paralysis to name but a few.

Sex and Responsibility 2: Unwanted Pregnancy

July 26, 2012

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Francis Nmeribe, Author and Coach

Unwanted pregnancy is what it is – unwanted pregnancy.  This occurs in every sexual intercourse whether within the bonds of matrimony or in the case of illicit, premarital or even rape sexual intercourse.  Nobody wanted a pregnancy in this case.  The perpetrators, culprits, rapists and aberrant actors involved in it wanted nothing like that.  All they wanted was to get to satisfy a sexual urge, animalistic or even purely devious.

Unlike in the case of a wanted pregnancy, unwanted pregnancy does not just do such small things as disfiguring the beautiful bodies of a young and beautiful woman.  In ninety nine per cent of cases, it ruins the life of the woman.  And in thirty to forty per cent of cases, it ruins the life of the man or young boy involved.  In fact, ruin is an understatement for most girls.  Their lives are ended in the process even while they are alive. 

When people are involved in unwanted pregnancies, they consider many terrible things including abortion and suicide.  Whatever happens and however it ends, there is a permanent scare on the young woman involved.  If she procures abortion and survives, she lives with the guilt of it all her life.  If she procures abortion and loses the capability to get pregnant again in future, she has a sorrow filled life ahead of her. 

There is a huge social stigma associated with unwanted pregnancy for unmarried women.  They carry the burden throughout their lives and most of the time, the men are spared.  Even if she got pregnant with one sexual intercourse and never got involved again throughout her life with any premarital or extramarital sex, she is still considered a lose girl and most times a whore.

Women bear the most and real pain of unwanted pregnancy, whether there was an abortion or the child is born.  Most of the time, the men go away and face their own lives while the woman would have to carry the pregnancy to full term, give birth to the baby and wean and nurse the baby to adulthood.  These are no mean tasks.  In fact, the heavens knew what a terrible and sometimes heavy responsibility that is involved in bringing forth an offspring, hence they planned it in a lawful and legal marriage bond and matrimony.

There are issues of painful nature associated with unwanted pregnancy even in a legal and lawful marriage relationship.  The couple may have had many children and would like to stop.  There may no resources to carter for an additional mouth.  The woman may be too sick to bear a pregnancy term.  The man may be too old to be able to provide for the younger offspring.

Here are some of the responsibilities we have to deal with when there is an unwanted pregnancy:

  • Illegal abortion
  • Death
  • Destruction of the womb leading to barrenness
  • Emotional and physical trauma
  • Stigmatization
  • Negative branding
  • Diseases
  • Disfiguring
  • Career disruption
  • Life disruption
  • Perpetual regret, sorrow and pain

This list is not exhaustive.  There are many sore and dreadful things associated with unwanted pregnancy that everyone involved should consider before engaging in sexual intercourse, even in a legal and lawful marriage.

Sex And Responsibility 1: Pregnancy

July 26, 2012

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Francis Nmeribe, Author and Coach

Most men and women want to have offspring.  In many cultures getting your wife pregnant is the proof of manhood.  Getting pregnant is the authenticity many a woman would ever see in her life time.  So becoming pregnant by a woman in a legal and lawful marriage is such a huge achievement that those women who have been with their husbands for more than six months without a pregnancy naturally get worried.

The pains of labour and the sickening season of a pregnancy may sire a woman and make her look ugly and cause her pain of no other comparable magnitude in her life, but she happily welcomes it.  She smiles really happily when kind comments are made of her pregnancy regardless of what she is going through.

In spite of the obvious disfiguring of the bodies of the once beautiful looking angelic women, they relish their condition and carry the burden of it with all fortitude.  The pain women go through during pregnancy and childbirth can only be imagined by men and those women who have never been pregnant.  Men and those women who have never been pregnant would never fathom it.  The loss of ideas on what pregnant women go through is more bellied by their courage and the elegance with which they go about their ordeal and term.  While some are sired by sickness unto the weakening and making of their bodies ugly, others glow in certain mysterious ways during their term.

Most pregnant women would have their babies through the normal birth process involving the tearing and widening of their vagina.  They get cuts and surgical stitches in the process.  It is a bloodied process with lots of physical pain.  A woman giving birth to a baby may scream, moan and cry and sometimes swear.  But as soon as she is delivered of the baby, she smiles and is relieved about ninety nine per cent of her pain.  Some come out of it with paralysis, bloodied eyes, impaired voice and movement.  There are several complications that a woman could get into in the process of carrying a pregnancy and childbirth.

This means that at most times, a couple is happy to welcome a child in spite of the pain and all they would go through to welcome and provide for the sweet gift of God we call child.

Itemized lists of some of the responsibilities a pregnant woman and her husband must consider are:

  • Additional mouth to feed and provide for which mean more income is required by the couple for their upkeep.
  • Time – love means time.  The couple would necessarily change their habits and use of time to provide for the newly born baby.
  • Sickness – probably one in ten women in the developing countries would have complications leading to a prolonged period of sickness.
  • Permanent and partial disability – during pregnancy and child birth, many a woman have been involved in life and mobility threatening conditions some of which they  carry throughout their lives.
  • Disfiguring – all the beautiful bodies are disfigured by pregnancy.  And after a couple of pregnancies, the women change so much that many an immoral man have left his wife to look for other younger women.
  • Career abandonment – for many women, pregnancy and childbirth have brought their careers to an end.

There is no intention here to discourage legally and lawfully married couples from pursuing one of the most important purposes of marriage – procreation.  Procreation is an ordination which mankind has been foreordained to.  We should look forward to it and take part in it as one of the ways to prove our authenticity and show obedience to the commandments of our creator.  However, it is important that those engaged in having sexual intercourse even in the sacred and approved place of marriage consider all and learn to be considerate with one another as they pursue the course of marital sexual intercourse.

For those who are unmarried or are involved in extramarital sexual intercourse, they should know that it is not right to bring a child into this world outside the bond of legal and lawful matrimony.  This has been established by social scientists as a major source of criminality as these out of wedlock children grow and see their situation and begin reacting to society.

Sex And Responsibility

July 26, 2012

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Francis Nmeribe, Author and Coach

Apart from the obvious moral issues raised by sexual intercourse at whatever level and place it is happening, the act of having carnal knowledge of a woman or man carries with it great responsibilities that seem largely ignored by those who indulge in it.

My position is that there is no justifiable reason for having sexual intercourse with a woman or man who is not your legally and lawfully wedded spouse. 

However, given the permissiveness and perversion of our times, and the plain fact that we know that a lot of sexual intercourse is going on among many people who have no legitimacy to have sexual intercourse, it has become important that we stop and analyze sex and responsibility.  This is done in the hope that one or two young persons and some adults may be assisted to deal with sexual issues with the sense of responsibility it requires. 

The news media is replete with stories of both morally accepted sexual activities and of course, lots of illicit sexual intercourse around us.  Presently and sadly too, sexual intercourse is no longer the preserve of the legally and lawfully married.  It has become a game that young people including preteens are engaged in and sometimes flagrantly, albeit to their individual and societal detriment. 

Here are some of the common challenges those who are engaged in sexual intercourse face.  Even those who are legally and lawfully married need to pay attention to these issues.  Some of these issues are of positive nature and some of negative nature.  Nevertheless, all these challenges are simply some of the responsibilities that those who take part in sexual pleasure must answer to.

  • Pregnancy
  • Unwanted pregnancy
  • Unplanned Marriage
  • Diseases
  • Emotional imbalance
  • Sorrow
  • Loss of self-esteem
  • Shyness
  • Dishonour
  • Dependence
  • Pain

A sense of responsibility along the points outlined above would considerably assist all concerned especially young women who obviously have more to lose to handle their sexual nature with care, deference and decorum.  It would help men and boys engaging in sexual intercourse to consider the consequences before doing so.  When these teenage girls get pregnant, they are usually on their own, abandoned because the young man they had the sexual intercourse with is either a social or biological minor who cannot shoulder the responsibility of pregnancy.  Even when these pregnancies have been as a result of sexual intercourse with a grown man who does not think he should marry or that the girl he is involved with is a wife material, the woman or girl still bear more of the brunt. 

There is no justifiable reason to abandon a girl when she has gotten pregnant.  It takes a man and a woman to get pregnant.  Most people including the men who did the act would blame the woman or girl for allowing herself to get pregnant. 

Parents and communities and social groups should teach their men responsibility especially as it pertains to sexual intercourse.  They should encourage men responsible for pregnancies – in and out of wedlock – to take responsibility. This act would reduce the trauma and reproach of the woman and save the society a lot of the troubles that come with children resulting from unwanted or unplanned pregnancies.  The boy and girl or man and woman involved should be encouraged to marry and parents and society at large should help them settle.  The responsible management of these occurrences would reduce the multiplication of hoodlums and social misfits in our society.

Pregnancy, childbirth and rearing are projects ordained for two people – husband and wife, legally and lawfully wedded.  The families, the schools and the Church should start teaching sexual responsibility and remove the silence which is sounding very loud as a voice of acquiescence to the reckless sexual activities of people – men and women, boys and girls and some who are still children.

The tag of modernity, signs of the times and etc, does not justify premarital and extramarital sex in any way at all, especially as we view sexual intercourse from the position of responsibility.

 

Sex And Responsibility

July 26, 2012

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Francis Nmeribe, Author and Coach

Apart from the obvious moral issues raised by sexual intercourse at whatever level and place it is happening, the act of having carnal knowledge of a woman or man carries with it great responsibilities that seem largely ignored by those who indulge in it.

My position is that there is no justifiable reason for having sexual intercourse with a woman or man who is not your legally and lawfully wedded spouse. 

However, given the permissiveness and perversion of our times, and the plain fact that we know that a lot of sexual intercourse is going on among many people who have no legitimacy to have sexual intercourse, it has become important that we stop and analyze sex and responsibility.  This is done in the hope that one or two young persons and some adults may be assisted to deal with sexual issues with the sense of responsibility it requires. 

The news media is replete with stories of both morally accepted sexual activities and of course, lots of illicit sexual intercourse around us.  Presently and sadly too, sexual intercourse is no longer the preserve of the legally and lawfully married.  It has become a game that young people including preteens are engaged in and sometimes flagrantly, albeit to their individual and societal detriment. 

Here are some of the common challenges those who are engaged in sexual intercourse face.  Even those who are legally and lawfully married need to pay attention to these issues.  Some of these issues are of positive nature and some of negative nature.  Nevertheless, all these challenges are simply some of the responsibilities that those who take part in sexual pleasure must answer to.

  • Pregnancy
  • Unwanted pregnancy
  • Unplanned Marriage
  • Diseases
  • Emotional imbalance
  • Sorrow
  • Loss of self-esteem
  • Shyness
  • Dishonour
  • Dependence
  • Pain

A sense of responsibility along the points outlined above would considerably assist all concerned especially young women who obviously have more to lose to handle their sexual nature with care, deference and decorum.  It would help men and boys engaging in sexual intercourse to consider the consequences before doing so.  When these teenage girls get pregnant, they are usually on their own, abandoned because the young man they had the sexual intercourse with is either a social or biological minor who cannot shoulder the responsibility of pregnancy.  Even when these pregnancies have been as a result of sexual intercourse with a grown man who does not think he should marry or that the girl he is involved with is a wife material, the woman or girl still bear more of the brunt. 

There is no justifiable reason to abandon a girl when she has gotten pregnant.  It takes a man and a woman to get pregnant.  Most people including the men who did the act would blame the woman or girl for allowing herself to get pregnant. 

Parents and communities and social groups should teach their men responsibility especially as it pertains to sexual intercourse.  They should encourage men responsible for pregnancies – in and out of wedlock – to take responsibility. This act would reduce the trauma and reproach of the woman and save the society a lot of the troubles that come with children resulting from unwanted or unplanned pregnancies.  The boy and girl or man and woman involved should be encouraged to marry and parents and society at large should help them settle.  The responsible management of these occurrences would reduce the multiplication of hoodlums and social misfits in our society.

Pregnancy, childbirth and rearing are projects ordained for two people – husband and wife, legally and lawfully wedded.  The families, the schools and the Church should start teaching sexual responsibility and remove the silence which is sounding very loud as a voice of acquiescence to the reckless sexual activities of people – men and women, boys and girls and some who are still children.

The tag of modernity, signs of the times and etc, does not justify premarital and extramarital sex in any way at all, especially as we view sexual intercourse from the position of responsibility.

 

Introducing Francis Nmeribe, The Relationship Expert Coach

July 23, 2012

Relationship Expert Coach

“I met this fine gentleman some years back and I have stayed close to him ever since. My attention was to him as a result of his firm commitment to his beliefs and his disposition to do what is right no matter what. I said to myself, “there is a man we need his ideas in a broken world like ours that we have today, who can indeed contribute to heal it.”

Francis O. Nmeribe, a Relationship Expert, a Life Coach, and a Personal Transformation Teacher, is one of the few experts on personal transformation that has ever come out of the continent of Africa. His years of working with young people has made him a Relationship Coach of preference among many.

If you want to know how to exist in a wonderful relationship, one devoid of secrets, selfishness, misunderstanding, disrespect as well as disloyalty, Francis is the best person I know you can talk to.

His transformational ideas about Relationships, Dating, Courting, Marriage, Sex, are deeply rooted in spiritual living. His ideas are so simple, intriguing, yet impacting. His ideas help both the young and the old live very decent and happy lives. You can view some of his transformational ideas here: https://marryright.wordpress.com

In his bestseller book “FOUNDATION FOR JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS” Francis penned this words that caught my attention:

“Any relationship founded on physical beauty and wealth is not just valueless, it is as dangerous as the regularly collapsing building in Lagos.”

Weaving his ideas with sense of humor, Francis communicates effectively with listerners. This book is a “must read” for all Singles Adults and Married Couples. You can get a copy of this book by going here: http://www.successpublishers.com.ng

My friend Francis, for I am proud to call him my friend, conducts seminars and coaching programs on Relationships and Life. To meet Francis, one-on-one, and participate in his coaching program or seminars, meet him here: http://www.successpublishers.com.ng. Email Francis at francisnmeribe@yahoo.com


Nduka B. Ojaide
Nigeria’s Foremost Personal and Business Development Coach

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